"Gentlemen, we are all far from home and you know the risks of travel. I am representing one of the best accident insurance companies on earth, and I want to write every one of you. I offer you the finest death, partial disablement, loss of finger or toe, nervous shock, sick benefit policy known to--" But the man with gold spectacles was talking to five empty chairs, and the moon slipped down below the roof of the market house with a sardonic smile. Explaining It A member of the Texas Legislature from one of the eastern counties was at the chrysanthemum show at Turner Hall last Thursday night, and was making himself agreeable to one of the lady managers. "You were in the House at the last session, I believe?" she inquired. "Well, madam," he said, "I was in the House, but the Senate had me for about forty-five dollars when we adjourned." Her Failing They were two Houston girls, and they were taking a spin on their wheels. They met a fluffy girl who didn't "bike," out driving with a young man in a buggy. Of course they must say something about her--as this is a true story and they were real, live girls--so one of them said: "I never did like that girl." "Why?" "Oh, she's too effeminate." A Disagreement "Dat Mr. Bergman, vot run de obera house, not dread me right," said a Houston citizen. "Ven I go dere und vant ein dicket to see dot 'Schpider und dot Vly' gompany de oder night, I asg him dot he let me in mit half brice, for I was teaf py von ear, and can not but one half of dot performance hear; und he dell me I should bay double brice, as it vould dake me dwice as long to hear de berformance as anypody else." An E for a Knee When Pilgrim fathers landed safe On Plymouth Rock at last, They bowed their heads and bent a knee, And kept a holy fast. But now to celebrate the day We dine--to say the least-- We add an "e" into their plan And change their fast to feast. The Unconquerable A man may avoid the Nin-com-poop By flying fast and far. And even subdue the Scalawag By stratagems of war. And he even may dodge the Fly-up-the-Creek If he's lucky and does not fear; And sometimes conquer the powerful chump. Though the victory cost him dear. And a brave man may do up the Galoot, Though it be a terrible fight, But no man yet has escaped from the clutch Of the terrible Blatherskite. An Expensive Veracity A Houston man who attended a great many of Sam Jones's sermons was particularly impressed with his denunciation of prevaricators, and of lies of all kinds, white, variegated, and black.