It was the laugh of a fiend! I wanted the position for the per diem. I was buried in turpitude. My colleagues were all running on principle to save the country. It is singular that the motive of such a wolf in sheep’s clothing as I was at that time was not detected. The great and good men, secure in their own rectitude and purity of purpose, by whom I was surrounded, never once guessed at the presence of the snake in their grass. Looking back at this occurrence after the lapse of nearly twenty-five years, I am more and more astonished that the party should have risked taking such a load as myself on its shoulders. I had no position, no standing, next to no reputation, no property, no good clothes, no whole shoes, no fixed habitation and three sore toes. I had not nor did not realize the responsibilities of a citizen. I had no family and could not realize the duties and responsibilities of those who were rearing young citizens for the great Republic. Should such a man be sent to the State Legislature? Of course not. Are such men ever sent? Of course not. I do not think now that at the period spoken of I was even incorruptible. Should a person who seldom saw over ten dollars in his possession at any one time be sent where he might be “approached” by designing men? Of course not. Was such an one ever sent? Never! The commonwealth of California ran a fearful risk in my nomination. Few, probably none, suspected the mental misery I endured during this campaign. Because I knew and felt my turpitude. I knew my unfitness for the position to which I aspired. I knew where lay the snake in the grass. Could I meet daily a trusting, credulous constituency, who believed that my mind was full of projects for the relief of the State and nation, without remorse? Of course not. I had remorse--bad, but I dared not back out and off the track. So I kept on, and the vultures gnawed my vitals. Those who think the wicked have such a good time are sadly mistaken. Our party was firmly grounded on one grand belief. It was that nothing the other party could do was right, and nothing that we did was wrong. This at that time I did not believe. But I pretended to. Or rather I stifled all thought on the subject. This was the first great sin. Unlike my colleagues, I was untrue to my own convictions. They----but how I wished for their faith. It could move mountains of doubt. Mine couldn’t. How I hated my conscience. It tormented me worse than a chronic colic. There I was standing shoulder to shoulder with patriots--battling bravely for a cause, a principle, while I--I cared for naught save a seat in the Assembly at $10 a day.