Divorce -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Virginia -- Fiction
There was in the man a sense of wrong, as well as failure. Life had
dealt hardly with him--the bitterness had been wrung out to him to the
very dregs. In all things--whether his intentions had been noble or
ignoble, he had alike failed. He could not understand it. In his
eyes, the conduct of the two women whose influence had been potent in
his life, while springing from different causes, had resulted in the
same effect--uncompromising hardness toward _him_. The diverse
properties of the solutions had made no appreciable difference in the
crystallization.
His love for Pocahontas had suffered no diminution; rather, it had
increased. His longing for her presence, for her love, was so great at
times, that the thought would come to him to end the intolerable pain
by stopping forever the beating of the heart that would not break.
Her second refusal had been a cruel blow to him. He had seemed to
himself so patient, so tenderly considerate; he had made allowance for
the conservatism, the old world principles and prejudices amid which
she had been reared; he had given her time to weigh and consider and
plead. That the verdict should have gone against him, admitted, in his
mind, but of one conclusion--Pocahontas did not love him. Had she
loved him, she _must_ have proved responsive; love, as he understood
it, did not crucify itself for a principle; it was more prone to break
barriers than to erect them. And this point of hers was no principle;
it was, at noblest, an individual conscientious scruple, and to the man
of the world it appeared the narrowest of bigotry.
His mind slowly settled to the conviction that she had never loved him
as he had loved her--as he still loved her. Then began a change for
the worse. The doubt of her love begot other doubts--a grisly brood of
them--doubt of truth, doubt of generosity and courage, doubt of
disinterestedness, doubt of womanhood. Thorne was getting in a bad
way. Over the smoldering fires of his heart a crust of cynicism began
to form and harden, powdered thick with the ashes of bitterness. What
was the worth of love?--_he_ had found it but a fair-weather friend. A
storm--less than a storm--a cloud, though but as big as a man's hand,
had sent the frail thing skurrying to cover. All ended in self--the
_ego_ dominated the world. Righteousness and unrighteousness arrived
at the same result. The good called it self-sacrifice, and blinded and
glorified themselves; the bad were less hypocritical; _they_ gave it no
sounding name and sought it openly. Self--from first to last, the same
under all names and all disguises. Nay, the wicked were truer than the
good, for the self-seeker inflicted no lasting injury on any save
himself, while the ardor with which the self-immolator flourished the
sacrificial knife imperiled other vitals than his own.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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