Priscilla and Charybdis: A Story of AlternativesMoore, Frank Frankfort
General
Priscilla and Charybdis: A Story of Alternatives
Moore, Frank Frankfort
Fiction
“Possibilities? You see possibilities in the place as well as in me? You
look through the eyes of an incorrigible optimist. Your generosity runs
away with you. Possibilities? Should I learn how to test the quality of
milk, for example? I believe there is a pretty good lot of beasts at the
home farm. I wonder, by the way, what becomes of all the milk.”
“Look into that. I don’t want to be the means of depriving any deserving
or undeserving family of their perquisites; but you take the first
opportunity of placing the transaction--the benefaction--on a proper
basis. And take the advice of one who knows, and get rid of that nice
lot of beasts which you have heard are on the home farm.”
“You mean to say that they are not a nice lot?”
“They were a nice lot ten years ago, my father told me; but instead of
being kept up to the highest level, they have been allowed to degenerate
to a frightful extent.”
“How?”
“The same way as any first-class stock degenerates--by marrying beneath
them. Now the matrimonial alliances among the beasts on that farm would
make any matchmaking mother weep. There’s not one in the family that did
not make a _mesalliance_ at some time of her life. And your grandfather
was so careful in this respect. If you have any respect for his memory
you will get rid of the lot.”
He was greatly interested in her revelations, and said so, adding,
“What a juggins you must all think me! But I suppose that was because
you worked on the same principle as Adam did when he was asked to give
the fox a name. ‘I’ll call it a fox,’ said he, ‘and a better name you’ll
not get for it, because it’s a fox, if I know anything about animals.’
You couldn’t find a better name for me than a juggins, because I am
one.”
“That’s nonsense,” she said. “There’s nothing of the juggins about you
if I know what a juggins is. If you were one would you be talking here
to me on the most important topics that an owner of property can talk
about, when you might be criticizing some of the play at the nets? And
if I thought you a juggins would I talk to you for five minutes--for one
single minute? I’m mistress of myself. I’m independent of the opinion
of any of the people here. I see no reason to be bored for the sake of
being polite. I told you the last time we met just what I thought of
you, and since then I’ve thought more on precisely the same lines. Of
course I feel flattered at your listening to all that I have to say; but
I’m not so eager for flattery that I should bother myself talking to you
for the pure joy of seeing you listen to me with one ear while I knew
that all the time everything I said was trickling out by the other. Now
the next word you say depreciating yourself will make me consider that
you are trying to depreciate me, so I’ll get up and walk away, or else
say something about the weather.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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