Thus she sat this morning, with a sick heart, furtively watching her
brother in an anguish of pity. Would it really come to the worst?
Would he actually have to turn his steps--her brother, of whom she was
so proud--towards those dreadful doors above which glared, in white
letters a foot long, ‘Relief Committee’s Offices’? those doors which,
she thanked her God every night, she had not yet been obliged to enter?
He had had no breakfast, she knew; she did not know when he had last
eaten, or of what the meal had consisted. His face was terribly wasted;
so was the muscular, long-fingered hand which lay before him on the
table. There was lassitude in his attitude, a drawn look about his lips
and his eyes; his eyes haunted her, and made her very heart bleed when
she encountered them. What would he do? At eleven the committee began
their sitting, and it was ten minutes to eleven now, and the offices
were some distance away. If he were going it was time he----
She started violently as he, at this moment, pushed his books away from
him with a slow, resolute sweep of his hand, and rose. What a terrible
change had taken place in the whole figure and deportment of the man!
Myles took his cap from the nail on which it hung, and turned to her.
‘I’m going out, Molly,’ said he.
‘Yes,’ she answered; and something in the muffled toneless accent of
her voice made him look at her. She was gazing intently at him, with
a fixed, almost staring look--a glance of blank pain and suffering,
passive, yet terrible.
‘Mary,’ said he, pausing, ‘you know what it is. It must be. You think
it is the worst; but I tell you it is not so. It is not so bad as what
you would have me do.’
With that he left the room and the house.
He had a pretty long walk, up and down hill. He felt inexpressibly
tired--and worse than tired: his stomach was empty: he had a sick,
gnawing sense of hunger--absolute, grinding hunger, such as he had read
of others--destitute people--feeling; but such as he had never before
felt, till now that he was destitute himself. His head felt weak and
dizzy; his mind dull and stupid--he found he could only walk slowly, as
he took first this turning and then that, and presently arrived at his
destination--the one place in Thanshope where, in these hard times, a
flourishing business was being carried on.
About the door was a crowd of people--men and women; young and old. The
expressions upon the different faces varied from callousness, through
every variety of unwillingness, pain, and shame, up to a careless
hardihood that felt no disgrace, and was only wishful to make the most
of the opportunity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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