Problematic Characters: A NovelSpielhagen, Friedrich
General
Problematic Characters: A Novel
Spielhagen, Friedrich
Fiction
The death of the old woman was another blow to Oswald. Again he had
lost one of the few beings in whom he was interested. It seemed as if
his troubled mind was never to have any peace--as if the last bright
light was to fade on his sky, and deep night was to surround him on all
sides. He had seen Mother Claus but rarely, and yet it had always been
under such peculiar circumstances as to make in each case a deep and
lasting impression on his mind; he felt as if he had lost an old
relative, whose tender affections he had rewarded with indifference and
ingratitude. When he was last at her hut with Albert, he had determined
not to lose sight again of the old woman, to ask her if he could help
her, to inquire if anything could be done for her. She had thought of
him in her last hour, while he had not had a minute for her in all
these days! She had wished to bless him before she died--what had he
ever done to deserve such a blessing?--It was of little use now that he
provided for her funeral, that he and Bruno accompanied her to her last
resting-place when they carried the simple coffin on a farm wagon to
the graveyard at Fashwitz. It was of no use that he wrote to Grunwald,
ordering a small marble tablet, so that her grave might not be too soon
obliterated. But he thought how she would have thanked him during her
lifetime for the smallest part of all the trouble he took for her now
that she was dead!
Was it because he had not deserved it, that the blessing was not
fulfilled? The peace which she had implored for him with the last
breath of her lips would not come to his heart. Like a desperate man he
struggled with the maddening passion which had overwhelmed him of a
sudden like a fierce hurricane, but every day convinced him but more
and more of his inability to resist. He spent daily several hours in
the company of the beautiful girl; she met him with her kindly smile on
her proud lips as soon as the bright summer morning had ended the short
night, which yet to him seemed so long! At table he sat opposite to
her; her lessons by his side, and a hundred other occasions, inevitable
in so small a family at a country place, brought him again and again in
contact with the lovely one. He himself called his passion not love,
but friendship, deep interest--he tried to persuade himself that he
would have felt the same friendship, the same interest, if his
relations to Melitta had remained unchanged,--if accident had never
revealed to him Melitta's image in a new light Oswald would have been
the first to discover that it spoke neither of prudence nor of loyalty
to make deceitful accident the judge of the weal or woe of a woman he
loved so dearly, and that all these boastful reasonings were nothing
more than cunning sophisms of a wild passion; he would have discovered
this in any one else; but we lack only too frequently that prudence and
loyalty in our own affairs which we always have ready for others, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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