Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DEEGAN [_hands her back all papers_]. I’m going into the town
to-morrow morning, and I’ll give myself the pleasure of driving you to
the bank, and if you require my signature, I’ll be at your side.
DAISY. Why, my dear friend! I thank you over and over again, and then
some.
DEEGAN [_takes off his specs._]. No thanks at all, Miss Mullan. I’m
very pleased to be able to oblige you, and more than pleased to see how
well you have succeeded abroad. [_Draws forward armchair_] Take this
chair, if you please, till I call my son Daniel.
DAISY [_sits down, laughing_]. Say, Mr. Deegan, you’re such a
professor of human kindness. You might put in a good word for me with
your son Dan or some other likely feller in the settlement. I allus said
I’d never marry a Yankee, and you bet I’ve kept my word.
DEEGAN. I’m going to recommend you to my son Daniel. This house and
ninety-five acres of freehold will be his portion. He’s a good steady
boy, free of all vice.
DAISY. Say, Mr. James Deegan, I hope you ain’t joshing me. Mind, I’m
plum-serious. Yes, sir, if you can offer me a loose proposition like Dan
Deegan, I’m just going to prance right in and grab.... I can put a few
thousands into this ranch and make things buzz like a top.
DEEGAN. I’m not a frivolous man, Daisy Mullan. I’m a serious man, and
particularly serious in matters affecting my own house and family.
DAISY [_sets her hat_]. Then you can’t have Den too blamed speedy on
the tape for mine. Is he in?
DEEGAN. He should be in this room. [_Pausing._] I’ll leave you
together after the introduction. You may have to encourage him a little.
DAISY [_giggles_]. Gee! Am I to do the sparking, am I?
DEEGAN. That will depend on how he behaves. [_Opens room door_] Are
you here, Daniel?
DAN [_inside_]. Ay, I’m fixing myself.
DEEGAN. You’ll do very well. Come forth. [_DAN comes out in an
ill-fitting ready-made suit._] Miss Mullan, my son Daniel.
DAISY [_leaps up_]. Why, my! it’s Den! Not a shaving of differs since
we was boy and gel at school. [_Grabs his hand._] And how is it, Den?
Purt good, I guess, eh?
DAN [_smothering_]. Oh, fairish, fairish, fairish!
DAISY. And, like myself, Den, you ain’t married yet, are you?
DAN. Not yet--not yet.... Nor no notion o’t. [_Backs away._]
DAISY [_sits down_]. Draw up a chair, Den, and let’s have a gibber
about the old schooldays....
DEEGAN [_after a pause_]. Come, boy; have you nothing to say for
yourself?
DAN. I don’t mind much about my schooldays. I never was many days at
the school.
DAISY. Waal, set right down, Den, and I’ll stir up your recollection
some.
DEEGAN [_brings another chair_]. Come forward, boy.
DAN [_aside_]. God help me now, amen! [_Sits down._]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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