Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DEEGAN. Now, both of you are aware of what I have in mind. So I want
no delays. Making a match is like swopping horses--the less one knows
about the other the better.... You have my permission to proceed. [_He
goes into the room and shuts the door._]
DAISY [_making eyes at DAN_]. Say, Den, ain’t this dinky? A-setting
at our own fireside, like Darby and Joan, ain’t we? [_Draws her chair
closer._] What a swell picture-postal we’d take--and you with your arm
round me--eh?
DAN [_bounces up_]. The Lord stand between me and the snares of
Satan, amen!
DAISY. What’s the trouble, Den?
DAN. I’m a dacent boy. That’s the trouble.
DAISY [_rising_]. But, my dear Den, we gotta get married, or dad will
be so mad.
DAN [_retreats, and is followed by DAISY_]. That’s nice talk--about
marriage--afore you know me five minutes.... Keep back now. Don’t
surround me.
DAISY. You ain’t skeert, Den, are you?
DAN. Oh, I can defend myself--if it comes to that!... Keep back....
Don’t swarm in on me. [_Moves backwards._]
DAISY [_following him_]. If you ain’t skeert, why run back aways,
like that? Why not halt and talk?
DAN [_warding her off_]. Don’t crowd me, now! Keep a civil distance
off me.... [_Moves on._]
DAISY. Now, Denny, you know blamed well you just love your own Daisy.
Ain’t it so? Mind, I ain’t a gel to chase a man around.
DAN. Back, back, back! [_Picks up the shovel._]
DAISY [_halts_]. Look ahyar, young man. Are we going to make a
contract, yea or nay? Now speak.
DAN. No contracts ... no contracts.... I’m not a marrying man....
DAISY. Then I guess that ends the courtship. Let’s tell dad. [_She
goes towards the room._]
DAN. Hi, wait a minute! [_Scratches his head._] That would be
twartin’ him....
DAISY [_comes back_]. How now, Denny? Changed your mind, have you?
DAN [_feebly_]. I dunno what to do.... God help me, amen!
DAISY [_taking his arm_]. Let’s set down like sensible folks, Denny,
and I’ll tell you what to do. [_They sit down._] Now, Den, this ain’t no
boy-and-gel love-affair. This is a deal. Your dad has seen my papers and
they suit him. He needs my money to finish this here house, and you
can’t have the dollars without Daisy. [_Draws closer._] Now, Den, it’s
your move.... Don’t be skeert to offend me....
_DENIS M’GOTHIGAN and ROSE come in back. DENIS is a sturdy
little farmer with a full beard._
DENIS. Well, are ye foolin’ another gerril, Dan? Is’t not enough to
fool my daughter, without foolin’ the whole naberhood?
DAN [_jumps up_]. I’m in flames, but this is a judgment! [_Stands
gazing blankly at DENIS._] Mind, my fader’s in that room, Denis. If he
comes out he’ll martyr me.
DENIS. Oh, the sooner he hears what I have to say the better.
[_Shouts._] I’ve no cows grazed with James Deegan, LL.D. I disregard the
ould lan’ grabber or the breed of him....
_OLD DEEGAN comes from the room._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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