Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. The prayers of the wicked hath no travalley. Dan! You’ve gone
the pace and must take the consequences.
ROSE [_crying_]. Don’t emigrate him, Mr. Deegan. I don’t care about
myself ... but don’t emigrate Dan.
DENIS [_grabs ROSE_]. Come on, m’gerrill! I’ll have noan of this
whumpering.... I’ll have damages, or rid the country of him. [_Leads
ROSE out back._]
PAUL. You’ll be another Columcille, Dan. You won’t even get back to
Ireland blindfolded.... [_Looks about the floor._] Well, begorry, after
I searching the whole place, outside and in, there is my spatula!
[_Picks it up and goes into the room._]
DEEGAN [_roars at DAN_]. Go and take off your good clothes--you
damned prodigal scoundrel, you!
_DAN goes into the room blubbering._
DAISY [_rising_]. I feel downright sorry for you, Mr. Deegan. I do.
DEEGAN. I’m obliged to you, Miss Mullan. But this is not my first
trouble of the kind. I had to banish four other sons and two daughters
for disobedience, and this lad’s by far the worst of the lot.
DAISY. It’s a plum shame the way your family have treated you. Here
you are with a noo house and a large farm, and no one to look after you
but a few servants. It’s a downright crime. [_The room door is opened
cautiously, and DAN is seen to listen._] Why, my dear friend, what you
want is a good-hearted young woman to look after you and take an
interest in you.
DEEGAN. I wish I had thought of that fifteen years ago.... I’m too
old now.
DAISY. Too old! Why, you’re a fresher man than your son Dan. In
America a man of your age is dancing and flirting and only beginning to
enjoy life.
DEEGAN. It’s good of you to flatter an old man. [_Lays his hand on
her shoulder_] If I had met you ten or twelve years ago, I might have
put a certain question to you.
DAISY. If you’d met me ten years ago, you’d have met a comparatively
poor gel, for I’ve made all my money in the last decade.... But ain’t it
better late than never?
DEEGAN [_animated_]. Mind what you’re saying, Daisy. My heart is
younger than my face.
DAISY. I know fine what I’m saying, Jimes. And I repeat--ain’t it
better late than never?
DEEGAN. You would give me a new lease of life, Daisy.
DAISY. I sure would, dear.
DEEGAN. I’m not after your money, Daisy. I would make you an
assignment of everything I possess in the world.
DAISY. And I’d take care you wanted for nothing, dear.... I’d have
your house and garden the talk of this here settlement.... Out there in
front of the door I’d have a double hedge of sweet-pea....
DEEGAN [_drops on one knee and takes her hand_]. Daisy, will you
marry me...?
DAN [_shouts_]. Paul, Paul! Quick! The ould man’s down on his
knees.... Good God! the man that shook hands with Parnell himself....
_PAUL dashes from the room._
PAUL. Congratulations ... congratulations! Is it all settled?
DAISY. Why, sure! He’s asked me to marry him, and my answer is--Yaas!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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