Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DAN [_wringing his hands_]. Oh, I wisht the ground would open its
mouth and swalley me!
DEEGAN. Small farmers have large voices. Whom are you threatening
now, Denis?
DENIS. I’m come to see about this match between your fool son and my
daughter. It was noan of my seekin’ nor my makin’. But the job’s done
now, and I’ll make him toe the line, or I’ll know for why. He’ll not
make a laughin’-stock of my daughter. [_Stamps his foot._] I’m damned if
he will!
DEEGAN. Have you anything in writing, Denis?
DENIS. No, but I’ve good eye-witness. Paul Twyning seen and heard the
engagement....
_PAUL comes in back._
PAUL. Who’s taking Paul’s name in vain? Paul Twyning is a stranger in
your midst and doesn’t want his name mixed up in this rural squabble at
all.
DAN. That’s right, Paul. Deny everything.
DENIS [_hotly to PAUL_]. Ye were an eye-witness! Ye were an
eye-witness! [_Menaces PAUL._] If ye deny it, I’ll smash ye!
PAUL [_flies off the handle_]. Hell recaive the mongrel in the nine
counties of Ulster can put them up to Paul Twyning! [_Squares out._]
Come on now--the whole three of you! [_Knocks the hat off DENIS._] Come
on, I say! For three month in this barren country has left me
blue-moulding for a fight....
DEEGAN. Order! I’ll not have my house turned into a Dublin
doss-house.
DAN. That’s right, fader. You know the law.
DEEGAN [_slaps DAN_]. How dare you speak a word, sir! I’ll take the
belt to you later.
DAN. God help me, amen. I’m always blamed.
DEEGAN. Denis M’Gothigan, promise or no promise, you have no case. My
prodigal son has nothing here but the name.
DENIS. Ho, heth, we’ll see about that! The prodigal can claim for
sarvent’s wages.... Oh, by the holy, you’ll not twist Denis.... I’ve a
witness and a ring and a conversation-lozenger....
DAN. It’s a lie!
ROSE. Oh, Dan, Dan!
DENIS. Hand me that lozenger, gerril. [_ROSE gives him a big broad
sweet._] Wait till the jury hears this. [_Reads._]
“I love you very dearly,
And if you love me,
In spite of wind and weather
We shall married be.”
DAN. It’s a lie. I never had that lozenger in my possession. It was a
wee peppermint I give her....
ROSE. Oh, Dan, Dan!
DAN. Oh, it’s easy for you to “Dan, Dan.” But it’s me’s fighting for
my life.
ROSE. And there’s the ring. [_Holds up her hand._]
DAN. That’s not my ring at all. It’s Paul Twyning’s ring. He picked
it up--or stole it from the pilgrims--at Lisdoonvarna.
PAUL. Dan Deegan, mind what you’re saying, or I’ll clout you one on
the ear.
DAN. I mind rightly what I’m saying. I’m in flames, but I mean to
clear myself!
DEEGAN. Denis M’Gothigan, the courts are open to you. But I think it
my duty to inform you that the defendant is about to emigrate....
DAN [_bursts out crying_]. A bad end to you, Paul Twyning!... This is
what comes of bad company.... I was a happy boy till I met you....
[_Sobs bitterly._]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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