Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DAISY. James Deegan, am I to be treated in this low-down manner, am
I? Is this how you mean to protect me as your wife, is it?
DEEGAN [_stands up_]. Patrick Deegan, you have done a bad day’s work
for yourself and for those who come after you....
PATRICK [_wildly_]. Ah, shut up, you! You’re the great man that shook
hands with Parnell himself! You’re the great lawyer that addressed the
gowned judges in the Four Coorts of Dublin!... And here you are at
last--tane up with an ould Yankee ballad-singer, by Mozes! [_MRS. DEEGAN
grabs PATRICK and drags him out, he shouting_] Ould Yankee trooper....
Ould ballad-singer.... Ould mazawatty.
_MRS. DEEGAN gets him dragged out to the bar._
DAISY. James dear, these folks don’t want me. That woman hates me
like a snake. See the look in her eyes, and she snarls so. [_Sits
down._]
DEEGAN. She may snarl, but she can’t bite. Before we leave the town
you’ll be her landlady. [_Sits down._]
DAISY. Oh, James, how good you are. [_Looks about her._] And you bet
I’ll see they keep this place in order.
_MRS. DEEGAN hurries in with two glasses on a tray._
MRS. DEEGAN. Granda, dear, you know what Patrick is? He’s that hasty.
[_To DAISY_] He wouldn’t hurt your feelings for the world, Miss Mullan.
[_Laughs drily._] Och, sure, from what I hear, you’ll soon be one of the
family.
DAISY. Yaas! and a nice family reception I’m gitting. An old Yankee
trooper, no less.
MRS. DEEGAN. Och, who would heed Patrick Deegan?... I wish you both
many happy days.... This is just a wee taste to wet the match. A wee
special for you, granda, and a port for you, Miss Mullan.
DAISY. I sure want something after that unholy racket. [_To OLD
DEEGAN_] Drink that up, dear. It’ll do you good.
_Both drink._
MRS. DEEGAN. I hope you’ll give us the big day soon. [_Picks up the
tray._] I’ll leave you now.... Three’s a crowd. [_She goes out
smiling._]
DAISY. That’s a cruel, cruel woman, Jimes. Ain’t she, dear?
DEEGAN. A crafty lady.... You had no trouble at the bank?
DAISY. Why, I should say not. The manager, a real nice man, he just
glanced at your endorsement and smiled pleasant. [_Opens the
vanity-bag._] I got the whole wad right here. [_Shows him the roll of
paper money._]
DEEGAN. That’s too much money to carry on your person. You ought to
have left it--or part of it--in the bank.
DAISY. Not on your life, dear. My next haul can stay in the bank, but
every cent of this is going into our noo home for nice furniture and
nifty wall-paper and carpets [_putting the money back in the bag_]. I
told you I was going to make you happy and comfortable, and you bet I
am.
_JIM rushes in._
JIM. Och, my new grandma! My bonny wee Yankee grandma! [_Tries to hug
DAISY._]
DAISY [_pushing him off_]. Who the goldarn are you? [_Stands up._]
JIM. Och, don’t you know me? I’m called for my granda.... Amn’t I,
granda? Amn’t I your favourite grandchild?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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