Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
O’HAGAN. Haven’t you a son named Daniel?
DEEGAN. Unfortunately I have.
O’HAGAN. Well, seems he has got himself mixed up with Rose
M’Gothigan--a daughter of Denis’s.
DAN. It’s a falsehood! I never spoke to the girl in my life.
O’HAGAN. Oh, is this the boy himself? [_Smiles at DAN._] The girl
tells a different story, Dan. She and her father are in about law this
morning....
DAN. Let them law away.... I’m stainless. Get the prayer-book and
swear me....
O’HAGAN [_to OLD DEEGAN_]. Denis M’Gothigan has the ball at his own
toe this time, Mr. Deegan. What are we going to do about it?
DEEGAN. Fight it.
DAN. That’s right, fader. Fight it.
O’HAGAN. If you take my advice you’ll give the girl a few pounds and
settle it.
DAN. In God’s name do, fader. Settle it. You never know what they
might swear.
DEEGAN [_to O’HAGAN_]. This thick-witted boy has nothing.
PAUL. Oh, he has something--he has a guilty conscience. I heard him
with my own ears popping the question, and saw him with my own eyes
putting the ring on her finger. If that isn’t a clear case for the
plaintiff, I’ll eat my spatula.
O’HAGAN. Now, Mr. Deegan, you hear that yourself. You wouldn’t be mad
enough to fight a case like that. [_He whispers to PATRICK, who goes
out._] We must settle this case, James. We haven’t a leg to stand on.
DAISY [_in a sleepy voice_]. Se’l it, dear ... se’l it. We don’t want
no law-suits ... we want peace.
_PATRICK brings in DENIS M’GOTHIGAN and ROSE._
O’HAGAN. Now, Denis, you have no case. But Mr. Deegan doesn’t want to
strive with a good neighbour....
DENIS. Ho! Is this the Four Courts?
O’HAGAN. It’s just as well for you it isn’t the Four Courts, or you’d
go home broke.
DENIS. Whisht! If we’ve no case, it would be a pity to take up your
valuable time. [_Takes ROSE’S hand._] Come on, m’ gerril. The Lord
Chancellor O’Hagan says we’ve no case. That ring on your finger and that
conversation-lozenger in your pocket is sadly agen us.... [_Leads ROSE
towards the door._]
O’HAGAN. Come back, Denis. You’re very quick at running away. It’s my
opinion you don’t want a settlement. But you must be saved from
yourself.... Dan Deegan has nothing. A man of straw. But his father is
ready to consider a settlement....
DENIS [_leading ROSE back_]. That’s better whiskey, Mr. Hagan. That’s
a lash better than having no case at all.
O’HAGAN. Now, now, Denis. Don’t be too sarcastic. If we reach a
settlement there must be no bitterness after.... Now, Denis, we’re
prepared without prejudice to offer your daughter five pounds.
DENIS. Yaha! yaha! Well, damn my picther if that’s not the best joke
ever you cracked, Hagan. [_To ROSE_] Come on, gerril. I can buy you a
pair of garters without these damages....
O’HAGAN. Then stand and say it yourself, Denis.
DENIS. Well. Without prejudice, three hundert pounds in goold.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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