Psmith, JournalistWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith, Journalist
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"An intellectual treat," murmured Psmith.
"--and in each there is a picture of this young man in a costume
which I will not particularise--"
"There is hardly enough of it to particularise."
"--together with a page of disgusting autobiographical matter."
Psmith held up his hand.
"I protest," he said. "We court criticism, but this is mere abuse.
I appeal to these gentlemen to say whether this, for instance, is
not bright and interesting."
He picked up the current number of _Cosy Moments_, and turned to the
Kid's page.
"This," he said. "Describing a certain ten-round unpleasantness with
one Mexican Joe. 'Joe comes up for the second round and he gives me
a nasty look, but I thinks of my mother and swats him one in the
lower ribs. He hollers foul, but nix on that. Referee says, "Fight
on." Joe gives me another nasty look. "All right, Kid," he says;
"now I'll knock you up into the gallery." And with that he cuts
loose with a right swing, but I falls into the clinch, and
then---!'"
"Bah!" exclaimed Mr. Wilberfloss.
"Go on, boss," urged Mr. Jarvis approvingly. "It's to de good, dat
stuff."
"There!" said Psmith triumphantly. "You heard? Comrade Jarvis, one
of the most firmly established critics east of Fifth Avenue, stamps
Kid Brady's reminiscences with the hall-mark of his approval."
"I falls fer de Kid every time," assented Mr. Jarvis.
"Assuredly, Comrade Jarvis. You know a good thing when you see one.
Why," he went on warmly, "there is stuff in these reminiscences
which would stir the blood of a jelly-fish. Let me quote you
another passage to show that they are not only enthralling, but
helpful as well. Let me see, where is it? Ah, I have it. 'A bully
good way of putting a guy out of business is this. You don't want
to use it in the ring, because by Queensberry Rules it's a foul;
but you will find it mighty useful if any thick-neck comes up to
you in the street and tries to start anything. It's this way. While
he's setting himself for a punch, just place the tips of the
fingers of your left hand on the right side of his chest. Then
bring down the heel of your left hand. There isn't a guy living
that could stand up against that. The fingers give you a leverage
to beat the band. The guy doubles up, and you upper-cut him with
your right, and out he goes.' Now, I bet you never knew that
before, Comrade Philpotts. Try it on your parishioners."
"_Cosy Moments_," said Mr. Wilberfloss irately, "is no medium for
exploiting low prize-fighters."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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