Psmith, JournalistWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith, Journalist
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"And now go back to the beginning, Comrade Maloney," said Psmith
patiently, "which in the exuberance of the moment you have skipped.
Who are coming?"
"Why, dem. De guys."
Psmith shook his head.
"Your habit of omitting essentials, Comrade Maloney, is going to
undo you one of these days. When you get to that ranch of yours,
you will probably start out to gallop after the cattle without
remembering to mount your mustang. There are four million guys in
New York. Which section is it that is coming?"
"Gum! I don't know how many dere is ob dem. I seen Spider Reilly
an' Jack Repetto an'--"
"Say no more," said Psmith. "If Comrade Repetto is there, that is
enough for me. I am going to get on the roof and pull it up after
me."
Billy released Mr. Gooch, who fell, puffing, on to the low bed,
which stood in one corner of the room.
"They must have spotted us as we were coming here," he said, "and
followed us. Where did you see them, Pugsy?"
"On de Street just outside. Dere was a bunch of dem talkin'
togedder, and I hears dem say you was in here. One of dem seen you
come in, an dere ain't no ways out but de front, so dey ain't
hurryin'! Dey just reckon to pike along upstairs, lookin' into each
room till dey finds you. An dere's a bunch of dem goin' to wait on
de Street in case youse beat it past down de stairs while de udder
guys is rubberin' for youse. Say, gents, it's pretty fierce, dis
proposition. What are youse goin' to do?"
Mr. Gooch, from the bed, laughed unpleasantly.
"I guess you ain't the only assault-and-battery artists in the
business," he said. "Looks to me as if some one else was going to
get shaken up some."
Billy looked at Psmith.
"Well?" he said. "What shall we do? Go down and try and rush
through?"
Psmith shook his head.
"Not so, Comrade Windsor, but about as much otherwise as you can
jolly well imagine."
"Well, what then?"
"We will stay here. Or rather we will hop nimbly up on to the roof
through that skylight. Once there, we may engage these varlets on
fairly equal terms. They can only get through one at a time. And
while they are doing it I will give my celebrated imitation of
Horatius. We had better be moving. Our luggage, fortunately, is
small. Merely Comrade Gooch. If you will get through the skylight,
I will pass him up to you."
Mr. Gooch, with much verbal embroidery, stated that he would not
go. Psmith acted promptly. Gripping the struggling rent collector
round the waist, and ignoring his frantic kicks as mere errors in
taste, he lifted him to the trap-door, whence the head, shoulders
and arms of Billy Windsor protruded into the room. Billy collected
the collector, and then Psmith turned to Pugsy.
"Comrade Maloney."
"Huh?"
"Have I your ear?"
"Huh?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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