Psmith, JournalistWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith, Journalist
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Gum!" he cried, "don't I keep tellin' youse dat de Table Hills is
here? Sure, dere's a whole bunch of dem, and unless youse come on
down dey'll bite de hull head off of us lot. Leave those stiffs on
de roof. Let Sam wait here with his canister, and den dey can't get
down, 'cos Sam'll pump dem full of lead while dey're beatin' it
t'roo de trap-door. Sure."
Psmith nodded reflectively.
"There is certainly something in what the bright boy says," he
murmured. "It seems to me the grand rescue scene in the third act
has sprung a leak. This will want thinking over."
In the street the disturbance had now become terrific. Both sides
were hard at it, and the Irishmen on the roof, rewarded at last for
their long vigil, were yelling encouragement promiscuously and
whooping with the unfettered ecstasy of men who are getting the
treat of their lives without having paid a penny for it.
The behaviour of the New York policeman in affairs of this kind is
based on principles of the soundest practical wisdom. The
unthinking man would rush in and attempt to crush the combat in its
earliest and fiercest stages. The New York policeman, knowing the
importance of his own safety, and the insignificance of the
gangsman's, permits the opposing forces to hammer each other into a
certain distaste for battle, and then, when both sides have begun
to have enough of it, rushes in himself and clubs everything in
sight. It is an admirable process in its results, but it is sure
rather than swift.
Proceedings in the affair below had not yet reached the police
interference stage. The noise, what with the shots and yells from
the street and the ear-piercing approval of the roof-audience, was
just working up to a climax.
Psmith rose. He was tired of kneeling by the trap, and there was no
likelihood of Sam making another attempt to climb through. He
walked towards Billy.
As he did so, Billy got up and turned to him. His eyes were
gleaming with excitement. His whole attitude was triumphant. In his
hand he waved a strip of paper.
"I've got it," he cried.
"Excellent, Comrade Windsor," said Psmith. "Surely we must win
through now. All we have to do is to get off this roof, and fate
cannot touch us. Are two mammoth minds such as ours unequal to such
a feat? It can hardly be. Let us ponder."
"Why not go down through the trap? They've all gone to the street."
Psmith shook his head.
"All," he replied, "save Sam. Sam was the subject of my late
successful experiment, when I proved that coloured gentlemen's
heads could be hurt with a stick. He is now waiting below, armed
with a pistol, ready--even anxious--to pick us off as we climb
through the trap. How would it be to drop Comrade Gooch through
first, and so draw his fire? Comrade Gooch, I am sure, would be
delighted to do a little thing like that for old friends of our
standing or--but what's that!"
"What's the matter?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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