=The Social Me.=--A man's social me is the recognition which he gets from
his mates. We are not only gregarious animals, liking to be in sight of
our fellows, but we have an innate propensity to get ourselves noticed,
and noticed favorably, by our kind. No more fiendish punishment could be
devised, were such a thing physically possible, than that one should be
turned loose in society and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the
members thereof. If no one turned round when we entered, answered when
we spoke, or minded what we did, but if every person we met 'cut us
dead,' and acted as if we were non-existing things, a kind of rage and
impotent despair would ere long well up in us, from which the cruellest
bodily tortures would be a relief; for these would make us feel that,
however bad might be our plight, we had not sunk to such a depth as to
be unworthy of attention at all.
Properly speaking, _a man has as many social selves as there are
individuals who recognize him_ and carry an image of him in their mind.
To wound any one of these his images is to wound him. But as the
individuals who carry the images fall naturally into classes, we may
practically say that he has as many different social selves as there are
distinct _groups_ of persons about whose opinion he cares. He generally
shows a different side of himself to each of these different groups.
Many a youth who is demure enough before his parents and teachers,
swears and swaggers like a pirate among his 'tough' young friends. We do
not show ourselves to our children as to our club-companions, to our
customers as to the laborers we employ, to our own masters and
employers as to our intimate friends. From this there results what
practically is a division of the man into several selves; and this may
be a discordant splitting, as where one is afraid to let one set of his
acquaintances know him as he is elsewhere; or it may be a perfectly
harmonious division of labor, as where one tender to his children is
stern to the soldiers or prisoners under his command.
The most peculiar social self which one is apt to have is in the mind of
the person one is in love with. The good or bad fortunes of this self
cause the most intense elation and dejection--unreasonable enough as
measured by every other standard than that of the organic feeling of the
individual. To his own consciousness he _is_ not, so long as this
particular social self fails to get recognition, and when it is
recognized his contentment passes all bounds.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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