“After a hard struggle, and with beating heart, I went there, made the acquaintance of a blonde man, and allowed myself to be seduced. The first step was taken. This kind of sexual love was satisfactory to me. I always preferred to be in the arms of a strong man. The satisfaction consisted of mutual manustupration; occasionally in osculum ad penem alterius. I was then twenty-three years old. Sitting, together with my comrades, on the beds of patients in the clinic during the lectures, excited me so intensely that I could scarcely listen to the lectures. In the same year I entered into a formal love-relation with a merchant of thirty-four. We lived as man and wife. X. played the man, and fell more and more in love. I gave up to him, but now and then I had to play the man. After a time I grew tired of him, became unfaithful, and he became jealous. There were terrible scenes, which led to temporary separation, and finally to actual rupture. (The merchant afterward became insane, and died by suicide.) “I made many acquaintances, and loved the most ordinary people. I preferred those having a full beard, and who were tall and of middle age, and able to play the active _rôle_ well. I developed a proctitis. The professor thought it was the result of sitting too much while preparing for examinations. I developed a fistula, and had to undergo an operation; but this did not cure me of my desire to allow myself to be used passively. I became a physician, and went to a provincial city, where I had to live like a nun. I developed a desire to move in ladies’ society, and was gladly welcomed there; because it was found that I was not so one-sided as most men, and was interested in _toilettes_ and such feminine things. However, I felt very unhappy and lonesome. Fortunately, in this town, I made the acquaintance of a man, a ‘sister,’ who felt like me. For some time I was taken care of by him. When he had to leave, I had an attack of despair, with depression, which was accompanied by thoughts of suicide. “When it became impossible for me to longer endure the town, I became a military surgeon in the Capital. There I began to live again, and often made two or three acquaintances in one day. I had never loved boys or young people; only fully-developed men. The thought of falling into the hands of the police was frightful. Thus I have escaped the clutches of the blackmailer. At the same time, I could not keep myself from the satisfaction of my impulse. After some months I fell in love with an official of forty. I remained true to him for a year, and we lived like a pair of lovers. I was the wife, and was formally courted by the lover. One day I was transferred to a small town. We were in despair. The last night was spent in continually kissing and caressing one another.