“As my sexual life became more pronounced, my inclination for boys won the upper hand. I fell completely in love with my companions, and had lustful feeling if one of them who pleased me touched my body. I became very shy, and refused to take gymnastic and swimming lessons. I thought I was different from my comrades, and did not like to undress before them. I liked to look at the penes of my companions, and easily had erections. I masturbated but once, and that in my youth. When a friend told me that one could have pleasure without women, I likewise tried it; but I found no pleasure in it. At that time, also, a book fell in my hands which warned against the effects of onanism. After that one trial I never did it again. In my fourteenth or fifteenth year, I made the acquaintance of two younger boys who excited me sexually to the highest degree. I was especially in love with one of them. I became sexually excited in his presence, and was restless when I did not have him near me. I was jealous of those who associated with him, and embarrassed in his presence. He had no suspicion of my condition. I felt very unhappy, and often wept gladly, feeling then relieved. Yet I could not understand this feeling, and always felt its irregularity. I was also especially unhappy because my ability to work disappeared all at once. I, who before had learned with ease, suddenly had difficulty; my thoughts were never on the subject. Only by straining every nerve could I get anything through my head. I always had to study aloud, in order to keep my attention on the matter in hand. My memory, which was previously excellent, often left me in the lurch. Nevertheless, I continued to be a good scholar, and I still pass for a talented man; but I have terrible difficulty in learning anything. I exerted all my energy to free myself from this sad condition. Daily I went swimming; I practiced turning, rode much, and practiced fencing, in all of which I enjoyed myself very much. I still like to be on a horse’s back, though I know nothing about horses, and have no particular talent for physical exercises. I was never absent from a drinking-party, and I smoked. I was much liked. In _cafés_ I associated much with waitresses, and liked to amuse myself with them, without, however, being sexually excited by them. Among my friends and teachers, I passed for a man who was much with women, and spoiled by them. Unfortunately, this was not true.