“At this sanitarium I met a man of twenty-nine, who was apparently constituted like myself. The fellow forced himself upon me, and wanted to embrace and kiss me; but he was very repugnant to me, though he excited me, and his touch caused erection, and even ejaculation. One evening he got me to perform mutual onanism. After it I spent a most frightful, sleepless night; I was terribly disgusted with the whole affair, and thought I should never do such a thing with a man again. All day long I could get no rest. It was terrible to me that, in spite of this, and against my will, this man so excited me sexually; yet, on the other hand, it gave me satisfaction that he was in love with me, and apparently had to go through struggles similar to my earlier ones. From that time I was successful in keeping him away from me. “I again went to various Universities, and also visited many water-cures, with temporary, but never permanent, benefit. I fell in love, too, with many friends, but never so deeply as with the friend at M. I no longer had sexual intercourse, neither with women—I was incapable of it—nor with men; for I had no opportunity for it with the latter, and I forced myself to avoid it. I still often met my friend of M.; we are as good friends as ever, and, much to my delight, he no longer excites me. It is usually so; when for a long time I have not seen a person who excites me, the sexual influence disappears. “I passed my examinations with distinction. During the last year before they took place,—when I was twenty-three,—I began to practice masturbation; for I could find no other way in which to gratify my burdensome sexual appetite. Still, I did it very infrequently; for after it I was always disgusted, and spent a sleepless night. But when I have drunk much, I lose all strength; and then I run about for hours, seeking men, and finally come to onanism, to awake the next day with a dull head and a horror of myself, and go about all day in a melancholy state. As long as I have control of myself, I use all my strength to combat my nature. It is terrible when one can have no pleasure in associating with friends, and every erect soldier or butcher-boy makes one tremble and throb. It is frightful when night comes, and I watch at the window for some one to urinate against a wall across the way, and give me an opportunity to see his genitals. These thoughts are terrible; and besides, there is the consciousness of the immorality and criminality of my state of mind and my longing. I have a repugnance for myself that I cannot describe. I consider my condition abnormal; I cannot think that it is congenital, but I believe that the impulse was bred in me by faulty education. My suffering makes me reckless and egotistical; it takes away all kindness of disposition, and makes me careless about my family. I am