“Last year an essential change took place in my sexual life, when I dared to enjoy male love for the first time. In spite of pleasurable coitus with women (more correctly, pleasurable kissing with resultant ejaculation), my desire for young men gave me no peace. I determined to go to a brothel much frequented by soldiers, and, in extremity, to buy a soldier for myself. I had the good luck to meet immediately one like myself, who, notwithstanding his much lower station, in character and behavior was not unworthy of me. What I experienced (and still experience) with this young man is something different from what I feel with women. The sensual pleasure is not greater than with prostitutes, whose kisses and embraces excite me extraordinarily; but I can experience lustful pleasure with him at any time, and for him I have a feeling that is wanting for women. Unfortunately, I have been able to embrace and kiss him only about eight times. “Though we have been separated many months, he having been sent to a garrison in Hungary, we have not forgotten each other, and keep up a regular correspondence. In order to possess him, I dared to go to a brothel and there embrace him, being in danger of being betrayed. “Early in our acquaintance there came a time when I heard nothing more of him; for he did not think he could trust me. During these weeks I endured anxiety and pain that brought me into a state of depression and anxious restlessness, such as I had never before experienced. Scarcely to have found a lover and then to be compelled to lose him, seemed the greatest misfortune to me. When, thanks to my efforts, we met again, my joy was unbounded; indeed, I was so excited that, in his embrace again for the first time, in spite of my sensual lust, I could not induce ejaculation.