“While pursuing these love-affairs, I was clinical assistant in hospital, and was considered ambitious and skillful in my work. I naturally sought throughout literature for an explanation of my sexual peculiarity. I found it in part as a crime deserving punishment, while for myself I could only recognize in it the natural satisfaction of my sexual desire. I was aware that this was congenital with me. But feeling myself in opposition to the whole world, often near insanity and suicide, I again sought to satisfy my powerful sexual desire with women. The result was always the same,—either want of sufficient erection, or, when it became possible, to force myself to the act, disgust and horror of its repetition. As a military surgeon, I suffered terribly from the sight and touch of thousands of naked male forms. Fortunately, I formed a love-bond with a lieutenant affected similarly, and passed again a time of happiness. For love of him I consented to pederasty, for which he longed. We loved each other until he lost his life at Sedan. From that time I never gave myself to active or passive pederasty, although I had many love-affairs, and was a person much sought. “At twenty-three I went to the country as a physician, and was sought and esteemed. I satisfied myself with boys over fourteen. I interested myself in political affairs, and made an enemy of the clergyman, and, being betrayed by one of my lovers, was denounced and compelled to flee. The legal investigation, fortunately, did me no harm. I was able to return, but I was greatly shaken; and I went to the war (1870) as a soldier, in the hope of meeting my death. I returned, however, with many distinctions, much matured; and I found still more pleasure in earnest work in my profession. I hoped that the extinction of my excessive sexual desire was near at hand, exhausted by the great hardships of the campaign. “Scarcely had I recovered, when the old unbounded desire again appeared, and led to new unbridled satisfaction. Of course, I often thought of it; but my inclination, so revolting to the world, did not seem so to me. “For a year, by means of the greatest exercise of my will, I abstained; then I went to the Capital to force myself to cohabit with a woman. I, who at the sight of the dirtiest ragamuffin had painful erections, could scarcely induce one with the most beautiful woman. Overcome, I returned home and obtained a young man-servant for my personal service and satisfaction. “The solitude of life as a country physician, and the longing for children, drove me to marriage; besides, I wished to make an end to gossip, and I hoped finally to triumph over my fatal desire.