Ptomaine Street: The Tale of Warble PetticoatWells, Carolyn
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Ptomaine Street: The Tale of Warble Petticoat
Wells, Carolyn
Fiction; Lewis, Sinclair, 1885-1951 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
“They're not girls--they're married women--”
“What!”
“Sure they are. They don't live with their husbands all the
time--they're pretty modern, you know. They have separate
establishments, but they're friendly, pally, and even a heap in love
with each other.”
“I don't believe it--”
“Fact, all the same. Where you going Warble--that is, if you care to
tell.”
“I'm going where I can live a busy, useful life--not a Butterfly
existence, with nothing to occupy my mind but art and hifalutin lingo! I
can't express myself with long candles and Oriental junk! I'm going--oh,
I don't know where I'm going, but I'm taking the next train out of
Butterfly Thenter!”
“Warble--haven't I treated you right? Haven't you had enough to eat? The
Cotton-Petticoats have always been called good providers--”
“It isn't that, Bill, dear--it's that--you don't love me very much--”
Petticoat looked at her. His eyes traveled up and down from her golden
curls to her golden slippers, and then crossways, from one plump
shoulder to the other.
“Goodby, Warble,” he said.
* * * * *
That's the way things came to Warble. Freedom! All at once, in unlimited
measure--freedom!
Baffled in her attempts to reform Butterfly Center, having fallen
down on the job of replacing Art by Utility, she went, undaunted and
indomitable, on her way.
* * * * *
Hoboken.
Work in a pickle foundry. Cucumbers, small onions, green tomatoes,
cauliflower, tiny string beans, red peppers, mustard, vinegar,
cauldrons, boiling, seething fumes, spicy mists, pungent odors, bottles,
jars, labels, chow-chow, picalilli, smarting tongue, burning palate,
inflamed oesophagus, disordered stomach, enteritis.
That was the way things came to Warble. And she made good. Her position
was that of a pickle taster.
At first, only of the little gherkins, then promoted through medium
cucumbers, to the glory of full-fledged Dills.
A conscientious taster--faithful, diligent, she reached the amazing
speed of forty pickles a minute, and all done well.
Of course it told on her. Also, her heartaches told on her.
Lonely. Homesick for Bill, for Ptomaine Haul, for the gallery of
Petticoats.
* * * * *
Yet: A glorious soft summer afternoon.
Warble alone in a room with a big, forceful looking man.
The door is closed, and the gentle breeze scarce stirs the opaque white
curtains.
In the depths of a great arm-chair, Warble, her lovely head upturned
sees the eager, earnest face of the man. Closer he draws and a faint
pink flush dyes Warble's cheek. His arm is round her soft neck, his hand
holds her dimpled chin.
With a little sigh, Warble's blue eyes close, her scarlet lips part and
though she wants to struggle she dare not, for he is a determined man,
and a dentist will have his fill.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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