Ptomaine Street: The Tale of Warble PetticoatWells, Carolyn
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Ptomaine Street: The Tale of Warble Petticoat
Wells, Carolyn
Fiction; Lewis, Sinclair, 1885-1951 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
Petticoat came to see her in Hoboken after she had been there a year.
Unexpected and unannounced, he strode in to the pickle foundry and
grasped the fat arm of the girl who worked next to Warble.
“Come along,” he said, not unkindly, but the girl screamed.
“Beg pardon,” Petticoat said, nonchalantly, “sorry. Thought you were my
wife. Know where I can find her?”
A slim, fairy-like Warble turned to greet him.
Petticoat couldn't believe his eyes. That sylph, that thread, that
wisp--his Warble--his one time plump wife!
“Gee, you're great!” he cried, “I'm for you!”
She got leave from the factory for a couple of years, with privilege of
extension.
“I don't want to impose on your kindness,” he said, “but I'd like
to chase around Hoboken and take in the sights, I've never been here
before.”
“There's a Bairns' Restaurant,” said Warble, shyly, “we might go there.”
* * * * *
They did. In a taxicab. He held her in his lap and told her the news.
He had had his own rooms done over. Mediaeval setting. Romanesque
arches. Stained-glass windows. Sculptured cloisters. Good work.
“How are the twins?” she asked, timidly. “Pleathe.”
“Fine. Miss you terribly--we all do. Butterfly Center mourns your loss.
Spring a come-back, won't you, Warble?”
“You want me?”
“More than anything in the world! I'm mad about you! You beauty! You
raving beauty! You'll be the talk of the world this winter. Gee, Warble,
how I can dress you, now you're thin! Won't Beer be astounded!”
* * * * *
That's the way things came to Warble.
The only thing she wanted, her husband's love, now flung at her feet
in unstinted measure, pressed down and running over--love, slathers of
it--all for her! It was sweet--a pleasant change from pickles.
“How's everybody?”
“Here and there. Iva's gone.”
“Thank Heaven! Where'd she go?”
“Dunno. Her husband took her off. Jealous of me.”
“H'm. And Daisy Snow?”
“Gone into the movies. She grew too heavy for society. May Young's in
the Old Ladies' Home.”
“And Lotta Munn?”
“Murdered by her husband. He had to kill her--she wouldn't support
him. The Leathershams are in the poorhouse, and Mrs. Charity Givens has
bought their place. Want to go on a second honeymoon? Round the world?”
“Yop.”
* * * * *
They went. One night, sitting on top of the Taj Mahal, 'neath the Blue
Moon of Persia, Warble cried,
“Shall I go back to Butterfly Thenter--or shall I not?”
“Spin a toddletop,” said Petticoat, taking one from his pocket.
She spun it and it came up pickle foundry.
So Warble said, “All right, dear, I'll go home with you whenever you're
ready,” and she kissed him slenderly.
* * * * *
Ptomaine Haul.
Two Petticoats arriving. A happy Warble sprang from the car and seemed
fairly to skim up the steps. She passed, unnoticing, the pantry door,
and flew up to her own rooms which had been done over to suit her new
slenderness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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