Deeply impressed with the importance of the subject, PUNCH has invented a new thermometer, which may be understood by the “people” whom he addresses—the unlearned in caloric—the ignorant of the principles of expansion and dilatation. Everybody can tell, without a thermometer, if it be a coat colder or a cotton waistcoat warmer than usual when he is out. But at home! Ah, there’s the rub! There it has been impossible to ascertain how to face the storm, or to turn one’s back upon the sunshine, till to-day. PUNCH’S thermometer decides the question, and here we give a diagram of it. Owing a stern and solemn duty to the public, PUNCH has indignantly spurned the offers of the British Association to join in their mummeries at Plymouth—to appear at their dinners for the debasement of science. No; here in his own pages, and in them only, doth he propound his invention. But he is not exclusive; having published his wonderful invention, he invites the makers to copy his plan. Mr. Murphy is already busily arranging his Almanac for 1842, by means of a PUNCH thermometer, made by Carey and Co. PUNCH’S THERMOMETER. THE SCALE ARRANGED ACCORDING TO FAHRENHEIT. Iced bath 110 Cold bath 98 Blood heat. Coat Off 90 Stock loosened 88 Cuffs turned up 85 One waistcoat 80 Morning coat all day 75 One Coat 65 Summer heat. Spencer 55 Temperate. Ditto, and “Comfortable” 52 GREAT COAT 50 Ditto, and Macintosh 45 Ditto, ditto, and worsted stockings 43 Ditto, ditto, ditto, and double boxcoat and Guernseys 35 Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, and bear-skin coat 32 Freezing. Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto and between two feather beds all day 0 Zero. THE SPEAKERSHIP. The Parliamentary lucus a non lucendo—the Speaker who never speaks—the gentleman who always holds his own tongue, except when he wants others to hold theirs—the man who fills the chair, which is about three times too big for him—is not, after all, to be changed. But the incoming tenants of office have resolved to take him as a fixture, though not at a fair valuation; for they do nothing but find fault all the time they are agreeing to let him remain on the premises. For our own part, we see no objection to the arrangement; for Mr. Lefevre, we believe, shakes his head as slowly and majestically as his predecessors, and rattles his teeth over the r in oR-der, with as much dignity as Sutton, who was the very perfection of Manners, was accustomed to throw into it. The fatigues of the office are enough to kill a horse, but asses are not easily exterminated. It is thought that Lefevre has not been sufficiently worked, and before giving him a pension, “the receiver must,” as the chemist say, “be quite exhausted.” Tiring him out will not be enough; but he must be tired again, to entitled him to a re-tiring allowance.