Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
It is impossible to follow him through all his various strivings to do
well: he commenced a small-beer brewery, and the thunder turned it all
into vinegar; he tried vinegar, and nothing on earth could make it sour;
he opened a milk-walk, and the parish pump failed; he invented a
waterproof compositionthere was fourteen weeks of drought; he sold his
patent for two-and-sixpence, and had the satisfaction of walking home
for the next three months wet through, from his gossamer to his ci-
devant Wellingtons, now literally, from their hydraulic powers, pumps.
He lost everything but his heart! And uncle Bucket was all heart! a red
cabbage couldnt exceed it in size, and, like that, it seemed naturally
predestined to be everlastingly in a pickle! Still it was a heart! You
were welcomed to his venison when he had ithis present saveloy was
equally at your service. He must have been remarkably attached to
facetious elderly poultry of the masculine gender, as his invariable
salute to the tenants of his hearts core was, How are you, my jolly
old cock? Coats became threadbare, and defunct trousers vanished;
waistcoats were never replaced; gossamers floated down the tide of Time;
boots, deprived of all hope of future renovation by the loss of their
soles, mouldered in obscurity; but the clear voice and chuckling salute
were changeless as the statutes of the Medes and Persians, the price and
size of penny tarts, or the accumulating six-and-eightpences gracing a
lawyers bill.
Poor uncle Job Buckets fortune had driven him down the rough tide of
power, when first and last we met; all was blighted save the royal
heart; and yet, with shame we own the truth, we blushed to meet him.
Why? ay, why? We own the weakness!the heart, the goodly heart, was
almost cased in rags!
Puppy!
Right, reader, right; we were a puppy. Lash on, we richly deserve it!
but, consider the fearful influence of worn-out cloth! Can a long series
of unchanging kindness balance patched elbows? are not cracked boots
receipts in full for hours of anxious love and care? does not the
kindness of a life fade like the baseless fabric of a vision before
the withering touch of povertys stern stamp? Have you ever felt
Eh? what? Nostuff! Yes, yesgo on, go on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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