That as the Persian troops have march’d away, Her Minister has orders to resume His powers at Teheran, where he’s ta’en a room. Her Majesty regrets that the Chinese Are running up the prices of our teas: But should the Emperor continue crusty, Elliot’s to find out if his jacket’s dusty. Her Majesty has also had the pleasure (By using a conciliatory measure) To settle Spain and Portugal’s division About the Douro treaty’s true provision. Her Majesty (she grieves to say) ’s contrived to get, Like all her predecessors, into debt— In Upper Canada, which, we suppose, By this time is a fact the Council knows, And what they think, or say, or write about it, You’ll he advised of, and the Queen don’t doubt it, But you’ll contrive to make the thing all square, So leaves the matter to your loyal care. GENTLEMEN OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, Her Majesty, I’m proud to say, relies On you with confidence for the supplies; And, as there’s much to pay, she begs to hint She hopes sincerely you’ll not spare the Mint. MY LORDS AND GENTLEMEN, The public till, I much regret to say, is looking ill; For Canada and China, and the Whigs—no, no— Some other prigs—have left the cash so-so: But as our soldiers and our tars, brave lads, Won’t shell out shells till we shell out the brads, Her Majesty desires you’ll be so kind As to devise some means to raise the wind, Either by taxing more or taxing less, Relieving or increasing our distress; Or by increasing twopennies to quarterns, Or keeping up the price which “Commons shortens;” By making weavers’ wages high or low, Or other means, but what we do not know. But the one thing our royal mistress axes, Is, that you’ll make the people pay their taxes. The last request, I fear, will cause surprise— Her Majesty requests you to be wise. If you comply at once, the world will own It is the greatest miracle e’er known. THE DINNEROLOGY OF ENGLAND. Man is the only animal that cooks his dinner before he eats it. All other species of the same genus are content to take the provisions of nature as they find them; but man’s reason has designed pots and roasting-jacks, stewpans and bakers’ ovens; thus opening a wide field for the exercise of that culinary ingenuity which has rendered the names of Glasse and Kitchiner immortal. Of such importance is the gastronomic art to the well-being of England, that we question much if the “wooden walls,” which have been the theme of many a song, afford her the same protection as her dinners. The ancients sought, by the distribution of crowns and flowers, to stimulate the enterprising and reward the successful; but England, despising such empty honours and distinctions, tempts the diffident with a haunch of venison, and rewards the daring with real turtle.