Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
CURIOUS COINCIDENCE. The Morning Advertiser has a paragraph containing a
report of an extraordinary indisposition under which a private of the
Royal Guards is now suffering. It appears he lately received a violent
kick from a horse, on the back of his head: since which time his hair
has become so sensitive, that he cannot bear any one to approach him or
touch it. On some portion being cut off by stratagem, he evinced the
utmost disgust, accompanied with a volley of oaths. This may be
wonderful in French hair, but it is nothing to the present sufferings of
the Whigs in England.
[pg 88] THE BARTHOLOMEW FAIR SHOW-FOLKS. Punch having been chosen by the
unanimous voice of the publicthe arbiter elegantiarum in all matters
relating to science, literature, and the fine artsand from his long
professional experience, being the only person in England competent to
regulate the public amusements of the people, the Lord Mayor of London
has confided to him the delicate and important duty of deciding upon the
claims of the several individuals applying for licenses to open show-
booths during the approaching Bartholomew Fair. Punch, having called to
his assistance Sir Peter Laurie and Peter Borthwick, proceeded, on last
Saturday, to hold his inquisition in a highly-respectable court in the
neighbourhood of West Smithfield.
The first application was made on behalf of Richardsons Booth, by two
individuals named Melbourne and Russell.
PUNCH.On what grounds do you claim?
MEL.On those of long occupancy and respectability, my lord.
RUSS.We employs none but the werry best of actors, my ludall bould
speakers, as my late wenerated manager, Muster Richardson, used to call
em.
MEL.We have the best scenery and decorations, the most popular
performances
RUSS.Hem! (aside to MEL.)Best say nothing about our performances, Mel.
PUNCH.Pray what situations do you respectively hold in the booth?
MEL.I am principal manager, and do the heavy tragedy business. My
friend, here, is the stage-manager and low comedy buffer, who takes the
kicks, and blows the trumpet of the establishment.
PUNCH.What is the nature of the entertainments you have been in the
habit of producing?
RUSS.Oh! the real legitimate drammarA New Way to Pay Old Debts,
Raising the Wind, A Gentleman in Difficulties, Where shall I dine?
and Honest Thieves. We mean to commence the present season with All
in the wrong, and His Last Legs.
PUNCH.Humph! I am sorry to say I have received several complaints of
the manner in which you have conducted the business of your
establishment for several years. It appears you put forth bills
promising wonders, while your performances have been of the lowest
possible description.
RUSS.Selp me, Bob! there aint a word of truth in it. If theres
anything we takes pride on, tis our gentility.
PUNCH.You have degraded the drama by the introduction of card-shufflers
and thimble-rig impostors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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