Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
The dinner hour arrived, and there was the same singular provision for
one. He rang the bell, and ordered John to furnish the table for
another. John obeyed, though not without some strong misgiving of his
masters sanity, as the edibles consisted of a sole, a mutton chop, and
a partridge. When John left the room at his masters request,
Collumpsion rose and locked the door. Having placed a chair opposite, he
resumed his seat, and commenced a series of pantomimic gestures, which
were strongly confirmatory of Johns suspicions. He seemed to be holding
an inaudible conversation with some invisible being, placing the
choicest portion of the sole in a plate, and seemingly desiring John to
deliver it to the unknown. As John was not there, he placed it before
himself, and commenced daintily and smilingly picking up very minute
particles, as though he were too much delighted to eat. He then bowed
and smiled, and extending his arm, appeared to fill the opposite glass,
and having actually performed the same operation with his own, he bowed
and smiled again, and sipped the brilliant Xeres. He then rang the bell
violently, and unlocking the door, rushed rapidly back to his chair, as
though he were fearful of committing a rudeness by leaving it. The table
being replenished, and John again dismissed the room, the same pantomime
commenced. The one mutton chop seemed at first to present an obstacle to
the proper conduct of the scene; but gracefully uncovering the
partridge, and as gracefully smiling towards the invisible, he appeared
strongly to recommend the bird in preference to the beast. Dinner at
length concluded, he rose, and apparently led his phantom guest from the
table, and then returning to his arm-chair, threw himself into it, and,
crossing his hands upon his breast, commenced a careful examination of
the cinders and himself. His rumination ended in a doze, and his doze in
a dream, in which he fancied himself a Brobdignag Java sparrow during
the moulting season. His cage was surrounded by beautiful and blooming
girls, who seemed to pity his condition, and vie with each other in
proposing the means of rendering him more comfortable. Some spoke of
elastic cotton shirts, linsey-wolsey jackets, and silk nightcaps; others
of merino hose, silk feet and cotton tops, shirt-buttons and warming-
pans; whilst Mrs. Greatgirdle and Mrs. Waddledot sang an echo duet of
What a pity the bird is alone.
A change came oer the spirit of his dream.
He thought that the moulting season was over, and that he was rejoicing
in the fulness of a sleeky plumage, and by his side was a Java
sparrowess, chirping and hopping about, rendering the cage as populous
to him as though he were the tenant of a bird-fanciers shop. Thenhe
awoke just as Old John was finishing a glass of Madeira, preparatory to
arousing Collumpsion, for the purpose of delivering to him a scented
note, which had just been left by the footman of Mrs. Waddledot.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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