Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
[pg 102] PEEL REGULARLY CALLED IN. At length, PEEL is called in in a
regular way. Being assured of his quarterly fee, the state physician
may now, in the magnanimity of his soul, prescribe new life for moribund
John Bull. Whether he has resolved within himself to emulate the
generous dealing of kindred professorsof those sanative philosophers,
whose benevolence, stamped in modest handbills, crieth out in the
street, exclaiming No cure no pay,we know not; certain we are, that
such is not the old Tory practice. On the contrary, the healing, with
Tory doctors, has ever been in an inverse ratio to the reward. Like the
faculty at large, the Tories have flourished on the sickness of the
patient. They have, with Falstaff, turned diseases to commodity; their
only concern being to keep out the undertaker. Whilst theres life,
theres profit,is the philosophy of the Tory College; hence, poor Mr.
Bull, though shrunk, attenuated,with a blister on his head, and
cataplasms at his soles,has been kept just alive enough to pay. And
then his patience under Tory treatmentthe obedience of his swallow!
Admirable, excellent! cried a certain doctor (we will not swear that
his name was not PEEL), when his patient pointed to a dozen empty
phials. Taken them all, eh? Delightful! My dear sir, you are worthy to
be ill. JOHN BULL having again called in the Tories, is worthy to be
ill; and very ill he will be.
The tenacity of life displayed by BULL is paralleled by a case quoted by
LE VAILLANT. That naturalist speaks of a turtle that continued to live
after its brain was taken from its skull, and the cavity stuffed with
cotton. Is not England, with spinning-jenny PEEL at the head of its
affairs, in this precise predicament? England may live; but inactive,
torpid; unfitted for all healthful exertion,deprived of its grandest
functionsparalyzed in its noblest strength. We have a Tory Cabinet, but
where is the brain of statesmanship?
Now, however, there are no Tories. Oh, no! Sir ROBERT PEEL is a
ConservativeLYNDHURST is a Conservativeall are Conservative. Toryism
has sloughed its old skin, and rejoices in a new coat of many colours;
but the sting remainsthe venom is the same; the reptile that would have
struck to the heart the freedom of Europe, elaborates the self-same
poison, is endowed with the same subtilty, the same grovelling, tortuous
action. It still creeps upon its belly, and wriggles to its purpose.
When adders shall become eels, then will we believe that Conservatives
cannot be Tories.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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