But, guv'ner, wot can this 'ere be?-- The fare of a himperial carridge? You don't mean all this 'ere for me! In course you ain't heerd about my marridge-- I feels so precious keveer! How was it I got that kick o' the ed? I've ad a slight hindisposition, But a Beak ain't no Physician. Wot's this 'ere, Sir? wot's this 'ere? You call yerself a gentleman? yer Snob! He wasn't bled: And I was let in for forty bob, Or a month, instead: And I caught the lumbago in the brain-- I've been confined-- But never you mind-- Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! I ain't hinsane. Vot his this 'ere? Can't no one tell? It sets my ed a spinnin-- The QUEEN'S eye winks--it aint no sell-- The QUEEN'S ed keeps a grinnin: Ha, ha! 'twas guv By the cove I druv-- I vunders for wot e meant it! For e sez to me, E sez, sez e, As I ort to be contented! Wot did yer say, Sir, wot did yer say? My fare!--wot, that! Yer knocks me flat. Hit in the vind!--I'm chokin--give us air-- My fare? Ha, ha! My fare? Ho, ho! My fare? Call that my fare for drivin yer a mile? I ain't hinsane--not yet--not yet avile!-- Wot makes yer smile? My blood is bilin' in a wiolent manner! Wot's this I've got? Show us a light-- This ere is--wot?-- There's sunthin the matter with my sight-- It is--yes!--No!-- 'Tis, raly, though-- Oh, blow! blow! blow!-- Ho, ho, ho, ho! it is, it is a Tanner! * * * * * Parliamentary Parallels. "MR. SPOONER presented a petition from parishes in Wiltshire against the opening of the Crystal Palace on Sundays." Suppose MR. LUCAS were to present a petition from parishes in Meath, praying for the closure of butchers' shops on Fridays? * * * * * [Illustration: A PHOTOGRAPHIC POSITIVE. _Lady Mother (loquitur)._ "I shall feel obliged to you, MR. SQUILLS, if you would remove these stains from my daughter's face. I cannot persuade her to be sufficiently careful with her Photographic Chemicals, and she has had a misfortune with her Nitrate of Silver. Unless you can do something for her, she will not be fit to be seen at LADY MAYFAIR'S to-night." [MR. SQUILLS _administers relief to the fair sufferer, in the shape of Cyanide of Potassium_.]] * * * * * SONGS OF THE MENDICANTS. No. 1.--THE SAILOR BEGGAR'S SONG. I'm a jolly London sailor; Gaily still I keep afloat, With the picture of a Whaler, And the model of a boat. True, I ne'er was on the Ocean, But I've travelled wide and far, Kept by the police in motion. Pity a Whitechapel Tar!