What sights of gents drunk and incapable, very, He'd clean out so nice, and politely withal, As he called the first cab, when the finely-dressed victims Came staggering out from Cremorne or Vauxhall, And oftentimes would they be quizzing and queering, And 'twas all one to TOM, all this chaffing and jeering: For laughing or chaffing he little did care, For this Waterman wished but to rifle the fare. And yet but to see how strangely things happen, As he jogged along, thinking of nothing at all, He was caught by a Cab Act so awfully stringent, That it caused all the tricks of the cab stand to fall. But would this old Waterman feel proper sorrow, For all his old tricks, and turn honest to-morrow; And should this old Waterman act with more care, He'll be licensed, and never impose on a fare. * * * * * THE AMERICAN CUPID. A young lady calls MR. HOBBS, CUPID, because CUPID is LOVE, and LOVE, as the proverb says, laughs at locksmiths, and so does MR. HOBBS. * * * * * A CABMAN'S IDEA OF A FARE.--A cheque on a Banker. * * * * * [Illustration: PORTRAIT OF AN OFFICER IN THE BLUES.] * * * * * CURE FOR THE CONSCIENCE MONEY MANIA. Really the Conscience Money Mania is becoming quite a nuisance. Every day, almost, the _Times_ contains some such announcement as this:-- "The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER acknowledges the receipt of half-notes value £15, for unpaid Income Tax."