"MR.--a--DOOBRUS," interrupted his lordship. "_Mr. Punch's_ time and my own is valuable. Please to keep to the point. Betting-houses have nothing whatever to do with the turf, so suppose we don't talk nonsense. If you can give me any reasons why gambling-shops, that demoralise the rising generation and fill the gaols (with, I am sorry to say, the customers, not the dealers), should not be suppressed, do. But as to talking of the turf, you might as well tell me that St. Paul's is a big church, or, what is a little more to the purpose, that the House of Correction is in Coldbath Fields." "But, my lord, as a racing man, you must know--" "I am not a racing man, MR. DOOBRUS, but I have some race-horses. But once more, leave out of the question that which we have nothing to do with. We are speaking as men of business. It's all very well to cant out of doors about "one law for the rich and another for the poor", and to say that "JACK JONES has as much right to bet his half-crown on _Joe Miller_, as LORD BATTLEAXE has to bet his thousand pounds on _Hydaspes_", but that trash is of no use here. Rich and poor has nothing to do with the matter, except that you do your best to make the rich poor and the poor poorer. But when you take JACK JONES'S half-crown he no more bets on _Joe Miller_ than on the Moon. He knows and cares nothing about _Joe Miller_, but he wants to gamble, and a horse's name does as well for that purpose as anything else. What has JACK JONES to do with the turf, or you either?" "But, my lord," exclaimed all the Deputation, "JACK has a right to gamble." "Let him. But you shall not keep gambling-houses to tempt and ruin him. The law forbids them to the rich, and so it shall to the poor. The Bill will be law this day fortnight. Anything more to say, gentlemen?" The Deputation retired, considerably disgusted, and were understood to have subsequently made particular inquiries as to the cost of passages to Australia. * * * * * THE TEA-TOTAL MOVEMENT. The Tea-totallers--whose zeal we much admire, though we cannot rush into the cistern or hang on to the pump with all the ardour they display in their attempts to bring an hydraulic pressure to bear on public opinion--have published a sort of summary of their achievements. They have forwarded "30,000 letters" to noblemen, &c., from which we infer that they have filled at least 300 waste-paper baskets, and furnished wrappers to several thousand quarters of pounds of butter. They have held several hundred "tea-meetings," and they might have added, "munched a million muffins," to say nothing of the consumption of crumpets, which must have been something marvellous. They have delivered some thousands of lectures on water, and have probably exhausted a great many highly respectable pumps in the operation.