_A._ The Member for South Essex--who spells his name SMIJTH. We have met with SMITHS in thousands before, and know a few SMITHES, and have been introduced to SMYTHS and SMYTHES by the hundred; but never, in our whole existence, do we recollect having ever met with a single SMIJTH! It's grand! How noble the simple introduction of that _j_ makes it! But we wonder how the servants pronounce it at an evening party? * * * * * [Illustration: CRUEL. "REMEMBER THE STEWARD, SIR, IF YOU PLEASE."] * * * * * THE RETURN TO DUTY. BY A VERY MILD CABMAN. Recalcitration, WILLIAM, cease, JAMES, we'll return to work in peace. Alas! the struggle to prolong Were useless--would be, therefore, wrong. The Legislature and the Press, Whom Heaven--although they've wronged us--bless! Have triumphed by superior force: Submission now should be our course. And though defeated, after all, Our loss, in fact, will be but small; A slight reduction of our fare, Which our proprietors will bear. Employment will increase, besides; Our friends will take more frequent rides, And that will amply compensate For payment at a lower rate. Whilst o'er our tongue respect presides, And courtesy our manner guides, Of temperance let us own the sway, And that of cleanliness obey. Of insult or extortion, none In terror, then, our cabs will shun; Perhaps ev'n ladies then will dare To constitute themselves our fare. And oh, divesting our pursuit Of altercation and dispute, How much more pleasantly shall we Discuss our toast, and sip our tea! * * * * * ALL THE DIFFERENCE. However much the Whigs may be found fault with for their acts of omission, they are perfectly clear about their acts of Commission, for we believe it is indisputable that they have passed more acts that have saddled the country with Commissions than any other Government. * * * * * THE TAILOR ASSASSIN. An unhappy French tailor has been charged, on the evidence of our old friend JOINVILLE, with a conspiracy to assassinate our old enemy LOUIS NAPOLEON. The "conspiracy" looks very like an attempt on our gracious Queen, for the unhappy wretch of a tailor wanted HER MAJESTY'S head on twenty pieces of gold coin, and his design was directed far more upon English sovereigns than upon French Napoleons. Twenty pounds was the price to be charged by the French tailor for making his country free and happy; but, considering that the trade of patriotism is rather at a low ebb just now, we cannot help thinking that the unfortunate humbug placed his services at too high a figure.