say, in the words of COLERIDGE:-- "'You can utter, with a solemn gesture, Oracular sentences of deep no-meaning, Wear a quaint garment, make mysterious antics!'[4] "The statutes next call upon the matriculating candidate to swear that he will keep aloof from all rope-dancers and actors, and from the strifes and shows of--gladiators! (_Item quod, intra Universitatem Oxoniensem aut Præcinctum, absque speciali veniá Vice-Cancellarii, nec Funambuli nec Histriones, qui quæstús causâ in Scenam prodeunt, nec Gladiatorum certamina sive spectacula permittantur; nec Academici eisdem intersint._) Good gracious, _Mr. Punch_! is this the nineteenth century--is _Punch_ an institution of our land; have we got a Camp at Chobham, and a Fleet at Spithead, or are we RIP VAN WINKLES in an inverse degree, who have slept backwards into the past? My brain is fairly _muddled_, Sir, with the thought that I am about to send my son PETERLOO to a place which I had fondly imagined to be the centre of all enlightenment, and which I now find retains the barbarities of the darkest ages. I don't object to the rope-dancers and actors--although I might perhaps be inclined to ask why SHAKSPEARE, and SHERIDAN, and BULWER-LYTTON should be condemned as improper; and PLAUTUS, TERENCE, and JUVENAL decided to be the only pure and proper dramatic guides of youth--I don't object, I say, to my lad going to see the rope-dancing and acting, but I do decidedly object to his even having a chance of obtaining 'the special permission of the Vice-Chancellor' to be present at such degrading exhibitions as the 'sports of the Gladiators.' I shudder to think (and so does MRS. BROWN, Sir), that my lad, who has been so carefully brought up, will _really_ 'see before him the Gladiator lie, his manly form all cover'd o'er with wounds;' and that he will, perhaps--(I can assure you, Sir, that MRS. BROWN is obliged to have recourse to her smelling salts at the bare thought of such horrors)--that he will perhaps set his own slave (or scout) to fight for his amusement, and, like those frightful Romans that he is obliged to read about, will be turning up his thumbs to give the dreadful signal for his wretched servant's death! I must really pause a moment to recover my equanimity. Yet a bright thought strikes me! Perhaps, after all, _Mr. Punch_, these gladiatorial exhibitions are only intended to assist the students in their classical pursuits, the mind being, we know, often more speedily instructed through an appeal to the eye. And this idea is supported by the words of the Statute that the Students must not be present at such shows without the special permission of the Vice-Chancellor. For, of course, if there _are_ no gladiatorial exhibitions in Oxford, the candidates for matriculation would not be required to take oaths about them.