I went to the sign of the Cat and Fiddle, Whereat they did me grossly diddle: I went to the Commercial Inn, Where they well nigh stripped me to the skin: I went to the Manchester Business House, And equally there I found them chouse. I went to the Coffee-House and Tavern, Which turned out a regular robbers' cavern: I went to the Family Hotel, And they pillaged and plundered me there as well: I went to the Recreative ditto, My Stars and Garters!--wasn't I bit--oh! * * * * * [Illustration: IMPUDENT ROBBERY OF A TRAVELLER AT AN ENGLISH HOTEL. THE POOR GENTLEMAN WAS FIRST KNOCKED DOWN BY A HEAVY BILL, AND THEN PLUNDERED.] * * * * * ALL MY EYE AND BEATE MARTIN. The humbug of the Holy Eye-water at Salette has been recently exposed very efficiently; but we are told the BISHOP OF GRENOBLE has adopted it, because, to use a legal expression, it "runs with the surplice." We can but express our astonishment that such eye-water should be necessary to make a Bishop ('s) see. * * * * * A PETRIFIED LUNCHEON. "MR. PUNCH,--The periodical review of the uses and abuses of English Hotels having commenced, I beg leave to state that there is a small, unpretending hostelry at Matlock Baths, where the luncheon (price 2_s._) supplied is invariably made up of bits of loins of mutton, and leavings of ribs of beef, all--in honour of the locality--duly petrified. Last week I managed to chip off and swallow a bit of a joint, and I verily believe have been troubled with the stone ever since. (Price 2s.!) "Yours, VIATOR." * * * * * A TRAP TO CATCH A MOONCALF. [Illustration: T] The _Times_, in a letter from Grenoble, states that the Trappists in the neighbourhood of La Salette are busy in the manufacture of a beverage which, from the writer's description, seems to be about identical with that which is produced by MESSRS. SEAGER & EVANS. We congratulate the worthy monks upon taking to honest gin-spinning, which is a much more laudable occupation than weaving toils to entangle simpletons. We should think this order must be rather numerous in the district in question, as surely all those must have been regular Trappists, who were concerned in getting up the enormous hoax which has given it celebrity. It seems that they have entrapped some gulls of the LUCAS tribe, who were not up to Trap: but we should have considered even that common marine fowl, the Booby, too old a bird to be capable of being caught by chaff so extremely palpable. * * * * * PEBBLES PICKED UP AT THE SEA-SHORE. BY A SENTIMENTAL OLD YOUNG LADY.