CONDUCTOR (_to a SLEEPY PASSENGER in a corner_). Now then, fare, please? The SLEEPY PASSENGER (_with manly regret_). I ain't gorrit, ole pal. If yer'd asht me jes' two minutes afore I gorrup, I could ha' done it for yer, but I took jes' anorrer glash an' blued th' lot. No man can say I don' part s'long's I gorrer _money_; no freehandeder man anywheresh'n wharri am; but yer come on me too late. (_Shaking his head reproachfully._) Thash where 'tis, yer come on me too late! COND. 'Ere, I ain't goin' to stand no nonsense! If yer 'aven't got the money, git down orf o' my bus, and quick, too! The SL. P. Ged _down_? An' _quick_! You wouldn' tor' li' that if you'd sheen wharrer bloomin' 'ard job I 'ad to get _up_! [_He resumes his slumber._ COND. (_passing on, softened_). I can't go and break the beggar's neck for tuppence, and he's got it somewhere about him, as likely as not. (_To a LITIGIOUS PASSENGER._) Tuppence is the fare, Sir, if _you_ please. The LITIGIOUS PASSENGER. One penny is the legal fare, and all I intend to pay. I know the law! COND. And so do I. It's wrote up tuppence inside the bus. If yer ain't going to pay more, yer'd better git down; ye've 'ad over your penn'orth a'ready! The LITIG. P. (_with spirit_). I decline to get down. I insist on being taken to the Bank for my penny. COND. Oh, _do_ yer? We'll see about that. [_He stops the 'bus and calls a CONSTABLE, to whom he briefly explains the situation._ CONSTABLE (_pacifically, from below, to the LITIG. P._). Come, Sir, don't block the traffic, like this 'ere! Either pay the man his fare or get down--one of the two. The LITIG. P. (_from the roof_). I have a legal right to remain here if I like! CONST. That may be, Sir; but if you do, this man can summons you that's all. The LITIG. P. (_warming with the joy of battle_). That's just what I _want_ him to do! Can't I _make_ him summon me? COND. (_disgusted_). 'Ere, 'ang it all! _do_ yer think I'm goin' to cart you 'arf over London fur a penny, and throw yer in the luxury of a lawsoot? 'Ere's yer penny back, and I give yer the ride free, _there_! The LITIG. P. (_accepting the penny, and descending with dignity_). Very well; and let me tell you this, it was just as well you gave way when you did, for I was quite prepared to carry the case to the House of Lords! COND. Ah! and I s'pose yer think yer'd git _there_ for a penny? [_The Omnibus goes on before the LITIGIOUS PERSON has time to think over such an obvious repartee as asking the CONSTABLE to take the man's number._ [Illustration] AT A HIGHLAND CATTLE AUCTION. _A Yard. In the open space between the rows of pens the AUCTIONEER is trying to dispose of some horses which are trotted out one by one in the usual fashion._