"Wicked injustice and a lost birthright.... Oh, memory was there to
crucify me, by day and by night. And yet.... Why, it was a thing that is
done every day by men these people say their prayers to.... Oh, yes--I
wanted to punish--_him_ for his smug condescension, his patronizing
playing of the good Samaritan. And through him all these others ... show
them that their old idol wore claws on those feet of clay. But not in
that way. No, a much cleverer way than that. Perhaps there would be no
money when they asked for it, but I was to smile blandly and go on about
my business. They were never to reach _me_. But the Surfaces were never
skilled at juggling dirty money....
"They took me off my guard. The most technical fault--a trifle....
Another day or two and everything would have been all right. They had my
word for it--and you know how they replied.... The infamous tyranny of
the majority. The greatest judicial crime in a decade, and they laughed.
"So now I lie awake in the long nights with nine years of _that_ to look
back on.
"Let my life be a lesson to you teaching you--if nothing else--that it
is of no use to fight society. They have a hopeless advantage, the
contemptible advantage of numbers, and they are not ashamed to use
it.... But my spirit would not let me lie quiet under injury and
insult. I was ever a fighter, born to die with my spurs on. And when I
die at last, they will find that I go with a Parthian shot ... and after
all have the last word.
"So I came out into a bright world again, an old man before my time,
ruined forever, marked with a scarlet mark to wear to my grave....
"And then in time, as of course it would, the resolve came to me to come
straight back here to die. A man wants to die among his own people. They
were all that ever meant anything to me--they have that to boast of....
I loved this city once. To die anywhere else ... why, it was
meaningless, a burlesque on death. I looked at my face in the glass; my
own mother would not have known me. And so I came straight to Jennie
Paynter's, such was my whim ... whom I held on my knee fifty years ago.
"... Oh, it's been funny ... so funny ... to sit at that intolerable
table, and hear poor old Brooke on Reconstruction.
"And I've wondered what little Jennie Paynter would do, if I had risen
on one of these occasions and spoken my name to the table. How I've
hated her--hated the look and sight of her--and all the while embracing
it for dear life. She has told me much that she never knew I listened
to--many a bit about old friends ... forty years since I'd heard their
names. And Brooke has told me much, the doting old ass.
"But the life grew unbearable to a man of my temper. I could afford the
decency of privacy in my old age. For I had worked hard and saved
since....
"And then you came ... a scholar and a gentleman."
It was quite dark in the room. Surface's voice had suddenly changed. The
bitterness faded out of it; it became gentler than Queed had ever heard
it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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