charm your friends, whilst you frequently disarm your foes, there must
be a hidden something in your soul that gnaws away at your vitals, a
deep, dark under-current of grief and pain. Am I right? You know that I
am not asking the question from idle curiosity."
"I know it," replied Bertram; "and therefore I answer: you are right
and yet not right, or right only if you hold me responsible for the
effect of a cause I was guiltless of."
"You answer in enigmas, my friend."
"Let me try a metaphor. Say, somebody is compelled to live in a house,
in which the architect made some grave mistake at the laying of the
foundations, or at some important period or other of its erection. The
tenant is a quiet, steady man, who keeps the house in good order; then
comes a storm, and the ill-constructed building is terribly shaken and
strained. The steady-going tenant repairs the damage as best he can,
and things go on fairly enough for a time, a long time, until there
comes another and a worse storm, which makes the whole house topple
together over his head."
The doctor's dark eyes had been dwelling searchingly and sympathisingly
upon the speaker. Now he said--
"I think I understand your metaphor. Of course, it only meets a portion
of the case. I happen to know the house in question extremely well.
True there was one weak point in it from the beginning, in spite of its
general excellent construction, but ..."
"But me no buts," interrupted Bertram eagerly. "Given the one weak
point, and all the rest naturally follows. I surely need not point out
to such a faithful disciple of Spinoza's, that thought and expansion
are but attributes of one and the same substance, that there is no
physiological case that does not, rightly viewed, turn to a
psychological one; that so excitable a heart as mine must needs be
impressed by things more than other hearts whose bands do not snap,
happen what may, and notwithstanding all the storms of Fate. Or are you
not sure that, if you had had to examine the hearts of Werther or of
Eduard in the 'Elective Affinities,' you would have found things
undreamed of by æesthetic philosophers? I belong to the same race. I
neither glory in this, nor do I blush for it; I simply state a fact, a
fact which embodies my fate, before whose power I bow, or rather whose
power bows me down in spite of my resistance. For, however much I may
by disposition belong to the last century, yet I am also a citizen of
our own time; nor can I be deaf to its bidding. I know full well that
modern man can no longer live and die exclusively for his private joys
and sorrows; I know full well that I have a fatherland whose fame,
honour, and greatness I am bound to hold sacred, and to which I am
indebted as long as a breath stirs within me. I know it, and I believe
that I have proved it according to my strength, both formerly and again
now, when ..."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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