He had much to occupy his mind at the present moment. He felt that he
was being turned out of Mr. Tappitt's house, but would not much have
regarded that if no one was concerned in it but Mr. Tappitt himself.
He had, however, been on very intimate terms with all the ladies of
the family; even for Mrs. Tappitt he had felt a friendship; and for
the girls--especially for Cherry--he had learned to entertain an easy
brotherly affection, which had not weighed much with him as it grew,
but which it was not in his nature to throw off without annoyance. He
had acknowledged to himself, as soon as he found himself among them,
that the Tappitts did not possess, in their ways and habits of life,
quite all that he should desire in his dearest and most intimate
friends. I do not know that he had thought much of this; but he had
felt it. Nevertheless he had determined that he would like them. He
intended to make his way in life as a tradesman, and boldly resolved
that he would not be above his trade. His mother sometimes reminded
him, with perhaps not the truest pride, that he was a gentleman.
In answer to this he had once or twice begged her to define the
word, and then there had been some slight, very slight, disagreement
between them. In the end the mother always gave way to the son; as
to whom she believed that the sun shone with more special brilliancy
for him than for any other of God's creatures. Now, as he left the
brewery house, he remembered how intimate he had been with them all
but a few hours since, arranging matters for their ball, and giving
orders about the place as though he had belonged to the family. He
had allowed himself to be at home with them, and to be one of them.
He was by nature impulsive, and had thus fallen instantly into the
intimacy which had been permitted to him. Now he was turned out of
the house; and as he walked across the churchyard to bespeak a bed
for himself at the inn, and write the necessary note to his sister,
he was melancholy and almost unhappy. He felt sure that he was right
in his views regarding the business, and could not accuse himself
of any fault in his manner of making them known to Mr. Tappitt; but,
nevertheless, he was ill at ease with himself in that he had given
offence. And with all these thoughts were mingled other thoughts
as to Rachel Ray. He did not in the least imagine that any of the
anger felt towards him at the brewery had been caused by his open
admiration of Rachel. It had never occurred to him that Mrs. Tappitt
had regarded him as a possible son-in-law, or that, having so
regarded him, she could hold him in displeasure because he had failed
to fall into her views. He had never regarded himself as being of
value as a possible future husband, or entertained the idea that he
was a prize. He had taken hold in good faith of the Tappitt right
hand which had been stretched out to him, and was now grieved that
that hand should be suddenly withdrawn.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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