Rachel's demeanour at this time was cause of great sorrow to Mrs.
Ray. She never smiled. She sought no amusement. She read no books.
She spoke but little, and when she did speak her words were hard and
cold, and confined almost entirely to household affairs. Her mother
knew that she was not ill, because she ate and drank and worked. Even
Dorothea must have been satisfied with the amount of needlework which
she produced in these days. But though not ill, she was thin and
pale, and unlike herself. But perhaps of all the signs which her
mother watched so carefully, the signs which tormented her most were
those ever-present lines on her daughter's forehead,--lines which
Mrs. Ray had now learned to read correctly, and which indicated some
settled inward purpose, and an inward resolve that that purpose
should become the subject of no outward discussion. Rachel had
formerly been everything to her mother;--her friend, her minister,
her guide, her great comfort;--the subject on which could be lavished
all the soft tenderness of her nature, the loving object to whom
could be addressed all the little innocent petulances of her life.
But now Mrs. Ray did not dare to be either tender with Rachel, or
petulant. She hardly dared to speak to her on subjects that were not
indifferent. On this matter of Luke Rowan she did not dare to speak
to her. Rachel never upbraided her with words,--had never spoken
one word of reproach. But every moment of their passing life was an
unspoken reproach, so severe and heavy that the poor mother hardly
knew how to bear the burden of her fault.
As Mrs. Ray became more afraid of her younger daughter she became
less afraid of the elder. This was occasioned partly, no doubt, by
the absence of Mrs. Prime from the cottage. When there she only
came as a visitor; and no visitor to a house can hold such dominion
there as may be held by a domestic tyrant, present at all meals, and
claiming an ascendancy in all conversations. But it arose in part
also from the overwhelming solicitude which filled Mrs. Ray's heart
from morning to night, as she watched poor Rachel in her misery. Her
bowels yearned towards her child, and she longed to give her relief
with an excessive longing. Had the man been a very wolf indeed,--such
were her feelings at present,--I think that she would have welcomed
him to the cottage. In ordering his repulse she had done a deed of
which she had by no means anticipated the consequences, and now she
repented in the sackcloth and ashes of a sorrow-stricken spirit. Ah
me! what could she do to relieve that oppressed one! So thoroughly
did this desire override all others in her breast, that she
would snub Mrs. Prime without dreading or even thinking of the
consequences. Her only hopes and her only fears at the present moment
had reference to Rachel. Had Rachel proposed to her that they should
both start off to London and there search for Luke Rowan, I doubt
whether she would have had the heart to decline the journey.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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