For some minutes after they had been so left, neither Mrs. Ray nor
Rachel spoke. The mother sat rocking herself in her chair, and the
daughter remained motionless in the seat which she had taken when she
first came into the room. Their faces were not turned to each other,
but Rachel was so placed that she could watch her mother without
being observed. Every now and again Mrs. Ray would put her hand up to
her eyes to squeeze away the tears, and a low gurgling sound would
come from her, as though she were striving without success to repress
her sobs. She had thought that she would speak to Rachel when Mrs.
Prime was gone,--that she would confess her error in having sent
Rowan away, and implore her child to pardon her and to love her once
again. It was not, however, that she doubted Rachel's love,--that she
feared that Rachel was casting her out from her heart, or that she
was learning to hate her. She knew well enough that her child still
loved her. It was this,--that her life had become barren to her,
cold, and altogether tasteless without those thousand little signs of
ever-present affection to which she had been accustomed. If it was to
be always thus between them, what would the world be to her for the
remainder of her days? She could have borne to part with Rachel, had
Rachel married, as in parting with her she would have looked forward
to some future return of her girl's caresses; and in such case she
would at least have felt that her loss had come from no cessation of
the sweet loving nature of their mutual connexion. She would have
wept as she gave Rachel over to a husband, but her tears would have
been sweet as well as bitter. But there was nothing of sweetness
in her tears as she shed them now,--nothing of satisfaction in her
sorrow. If she could get Rachel to talk with her freely on the
matter, if she could find an opportunity for confessing herself to
have been wrong, might it not be that the soft caresses would be
restored to her,--caresses that would be soft, though moistened with
salt tears? But she feared to speak to her child. She knew that
Rachel's face was still hard and stern, and that her voice was not
the voice of other days. She knew that her daughter brooded over
the injury that had been done to her,--though she knew also that no
accusation was made, even in the girl's own bosom, against herself.
She thoroughly understood the state of Rachel's mind, but she was
unable to find the words that might serve to soften it.
"I suppose we may as well go to bed," she said at last, giving the
matter up, at any rate for that evening.
"Mamma, why were you crying when I came into the room?" said Rachel.
"Was I crying, my dear?"
"You are crying still, mamma. Is it I that make you unhappy?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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