Radiant Motherhood: A Book for Those Who are Creating the FutureStopes, Marie Carmichael
Science
Radiant Motherhood: A Book for Those Who are Creating the Future
Stopes, Marie Carmichael
Mothers
The curious thing about the particularly pernicious form of lying which
deals with racial things in the presence of childhood is that we have
the habit of thinking it quite innocent. Indeed we have even acquired
the habit of thinking it one of the charming form of lies; hence when
we are in a reforming mood, seeking for the origins of the wrongs we
are trying to put right, we pass these “charming” lies by, thinking
them harmless.
Where did each one of us first learn to lie?
_Nearly every one who is now grown up got his (or her) first lesson in
lying at his mother’s knee._ To the little child, in his narrow but
ever widening world, the mother is the supreme ruler, the all-wise
provider of food, clothes, pleasures and pains. The mother (the child
instinctively feels) must be also the source of wisdom.
Question after question about himself and his surroundings springs
up in the baby mind. Mother is asked them all, and for every one
she has some sort of an answer. Then inevitably, at three or four,
or five years old comes the question:--“Mother, where did you find
me?”--“Mother, how was I born?”
Then comes the lie.
The child is told about the doctor bringing him in a bag--or a stork
flying in through the window--or the accidental finding under the
gooseberry bush.
All children delight in fairy tales, but instinctively they know very
well the difference between a fairy tale which is recounted to them as
a story in answer to their mood of “make-believe” and a fiction which
is putting them off when they are seeking the truth.
If the mother who feels herself too ignorant or too self-conscious to
answer the truth to the child’s questions takes him on her knee and
deliberately tells him in a “make-believe” mood a fairy tale, the child
will then not feel that the mother has lied. _He will feel, however,
that he must ask some one else for the truth._
But most mothers give the answer containing the fiction of the
gooseberry bush, or whatever it may be, in a manner indicating that
that is what the child must believe, and the child receives the
information as a serious answer to his serious question. It is then a
lie, and a pernicious lie.
Racial knowledge, instinct, whatever you like to call it, is subtler
and stronger in baby minds than we dulled grown-ups are inclined to
think. The youngest child has a half-consciousness that what its mother
said in answer to this question was not true.
Nurse, or auntie, a friend’s governess, or any one else who seems wise
and powerful, is asked the same question when mother is not there,
and the chances are that if mother had given the stork version auntie
gives the gooseberry bush or some other fiction which she particularly
favours.
The baby ponders intermittently, inconsequently, perhaps at long
intervals, perhaps after years, but ultimately it realizes that its
mother lied to it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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