Yet a more kind-hearted woman I have never
known. The war did not uplift our landlady as it did her lodgers.
But presently it ceased to have that precise effect upon us. Bad was
being made worse and worse; and then came more than Englishmen could
endure in that black week across which the names of three African
villages are written forever in letters of blood. “All three pegs,”
groaned Raffles on the last morning of the week; “neck-and-crop,
neck-and-crop!” It was his first word of cricket since the beginning of
the war.
We were both depressed. Old school-fellows had fallen, and I know
Raffles envied them; he spoke so wistfully of such an end. To cheer him
up I proposed to break into one of the many more or less royal
residences in our neighborhood; a tough crib was what he needed; but I
will not trouble you with what he said to me. There was less crime in
England that winter than for years past; there was none at all in
Raffles. And yet there were those who could denounce the war!
So we went on for a few of those dark days, Raffles very glum and grim,
till one fine morning the Yeomanry idea put new heart into us all. It
struck me at once as the glorious scheme it was to prove, but it did
not hit me where it hit others. I was not a fox-hunter, and the
gentlemen of England would scarcely have owned me as one of them. The
case of Raffles was in that respect still more hopeless (he who had
even played for them at Lord’s), and he seemed to feel it. He would not
speak to me all the morning; in the afternoon he went for a walk alone.
It was another man who came home, flourishing a small bottle packed in
white paper.
“Bunny,” said he, “I never did lift my elbow; it’s the one vice I never
had. It has taken me all these years to find my tipple, Bunny; but here
it is, my panacea, my elixir, my magic philtre!”
I thought he had been at it on the road, and asked him the name of the
stuff.
“Look and see, Bunny.”
And if it wasn’t a bottle of ladies’ hair-dye, warranted to change any
shade into the once fashionable yellow within a given number of
applications!
“What on earth,” said I, “are you going to do with this?”
“Dye for my country,” he cried, swelling. “Dulce et decorum est, Bunny,
my boy!”
“Do you mean that you are going to the front?”
“If I can without coming to it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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