"I think you had better stop in bed, and I shall come again to-morrow. I
will tell Fru Bjork that you are not to talk or be disturbed." He took
her hand and stroked it gently. "Don't worry and reproach yourself, my
child; regretting the past will undo none of the mischief, one must go
forward and face the future. Looking backward never does any good; if
all the strength wasted in repentance and vain regrets were turned into
a wholesome resolve to make the future better than the past! Ah, my
dear, the Church has much to be responsible for, in fostering
introspection and useless repentance as virtues! Virtues indeed! they
sap the strength and muddle the brain, and make one weak and mawkish!
Face the future, and make the best of it, that is the true morality!"
He smiled whimsically down at the girl. "See how my tongue runs away
with me, when I mount one of my hobbies! We shall have long discussions
in future, you and I,--and I think you will find that life is not such a
bad affair after all!"
He left Ragna much benefited by his cheery optimism, and kindly manner.
"At least I have one real friend," she thought, and then her mind turned
to Angelescu. He had meant well by her, he had tried to help her,--would
he, if he could have foreseen all? His earnest face with the serious
steadfast eyes rose before her mental vision, and she knew that nothing
would have made any difference to him. The impulse seized her to write
to him, to recall him--but no, that was impossible, she had refused his
offer twice, and so decisively that reconsideration was impossible, even
if present circumstances had not precluded such a thought. No, as she
had made her bed, so must she lie in it. She fell into a state of
self-pity, in which she saw herself the victim of adverse circumstance,
about to be crushed by the juggernaut-car of fatality, broken and cast
out! The flagrant injustice that she alone should suffer the penalty,
while Mirko went scot free, seared her soul, but it caused her,
nevertheless, a sort of pride. Her sufferings made him appear but a poor
creature in his careless detachment from moral responsibility, and in
the abstract, the idea of shouldering the whole of the burthen alone,
gave her an odd sense of exhilaration. She said defiantly to herself:
"God has denied me the common joys of women. He has chosen me to wreak
His vengeance upon; my lover has forsaken me, and mocked me, what
matter? I will take up the load he has shirked. I will rise above the
condemnation of society. I will prove myself mistress of my fate."
With this, calm came upon her, and she fell asleep.
Fortune favoured Ragna, or at least had for her that ambiguous smile,
which for the time being, promises a smoothing of the way, but which,
retrospectively, seems but an ironic mask. "Here is the way open before
you," says Fate; but the path leads but to the deeper intricacies of the
labyrinth, from which we would fain escape.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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