Ferrati stood on the stair gazing after her a moment, then followed her
slowly. He looked in through the nursery door and saw her, one arm
across either cot, her face hidden, her shoulders shaking with sobs, her
hat awry, and Mimmo patting her neck and stray locks of hair with his
little bandaged hand, while Beppino on the other side, cuddled close to
her protecting arm.
Carolina with fine intuition made a sign to Assunta, and they withdrew
noiselessly, leaving their mistress alone with her children.
"We knowed 'oo would come," said Beppino contentedly.
A great wave of emotion had Ragna on its crest, carrying her on,
unresisting. She felt dominant within her the powerful impulse of
renunciation, it overwhelmed all else. Words Ferrati had spoken to her
in Venice, long ago, rang in her ears. "Remember that you are not only a
woman, you are a mother, your duty is towards your child, you have no
right to cheat him of what should be his!" For the first time she
actually realised that Beppino too was her child, bone of her bone and
flesh of her flesh as was Mimmo. Hitherto she had always looked on him
as altogether his father's, as remote from her personally, and her
hatred of the father had been continued in indifference towards the
child. Now as she felt the helpless little body lying close within her
arm, as she heard the soft little voice lisp out words of confidence,
her innermost being stirred at recognition of his oneness with her. But
to renounce happiness, to renounce Angelescu! The dark waters of despair
engulfed her, she sank down and down--it had been bad enough before, but
what would be the torment of life now, without him? How could she give
him up, just as she had found him? Her entire being, body and spirit,
recoiled from the thought of re-entering that prison from which she had
so lately thought to escape forever. For one wild moment the impulse
seized her to wrap up the children and carry them off with her. Her
fingers twitched feverishly at the bed-clothes. Then the recollection
came to her of how Angelescu had involuntarily recoiled at mention of
the children. He had not meant her to see it, she knew that, she knew
also that he would be unfailingly kind and considerate--but at what cost
to himself, to their love? Would she not be preparing a worse torment
for both of them? A pale dawn broke on the night of her thoughts; she
saw herself no longer as an individual, as a personality warring against
circumstance, rebellious towards fate, but rather as an integral part of
Fate, a particle of elementary force given in the service of these young
lives for their guidance and protection. She saw her task as a mother as
she had not yet understood it and in the light of the new vision stood
prepared to strip herself of all selfish attributes, of pride and the
desire for happiness. Yet she saw it without exaltation, her sacrifice
stood in the cold light of the commonplace, a natural sequence of her
enlarged understanding.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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