“THE good of the whole,” says Rasselas, “is the same with the good of all
its parts. If marriage be best for mankind, it must be evidently best
for individuals; or a permanent and necessary duty must be the cause of
evil, and some must be inevitably sacrificed to the convenience of
others. In the estimate which you have made of the two states, it
appears that the incommodities of a single life are in a great measure
necessary and certain, but those of the conjugal state accidental and
avoidable. I cannot forbear to flatter myself that prudence and
benevolence will make marriage happy. The general folly of mankind is
the cause of general complaint. What can be expected but disappointment
and repentance from a choice made in the immaturity of youth, in the
ardour of desire, without judgment, without foresight, without inquiry
after conformity of opinions, similarity of manners, rectitude of
judgment, or purity of sentiment?
“Such is the common process of marriage. A youth and maiden, meeting by
chance or brought together by artifice, exchange glances, reciprocate
civilities, go home and dream of one another. Having little to divert
attention or diversify thought, they find themselves uneasy when they are
apart, and therefore conclude that they shall be happy together. They
marry, and discover what nothing but voluntary blindness before had
concealed; they wear out life in altercations, and charge Nature with
cruelty.
“From those early marriages proceeds likewise the rivalry of parents and
children: the son is eager to enjoy the world before the father is
willing to forsake it, and there is hardly room at once for two
generations. The daughter begins to bloom before the mother can be
content to fade, and neither can forbear to wish for the absence of the
other.
“Surely all these evils may be avoided by that deliberation and delay
which prudence prescribes to irrevocable choice. In the variety and
jollity of youthful pleasures, life may be well enough supported without
the help of a partner. Longer time will increase experience, and wider
views will allow better opportunities of inquiry and selection; one
advantage at least will be certain, the parents will be visibly older
than their children.”
“What reason cannot collect,” said Nekayah, “and what experiment has not
yet taught, can be known only from the report of others. I have been
told that late marriages are not eminently happy. This is a question too
important to be neglected; and I have often proposed it to those whose
accuracy of remark and comprehensiveness of knowledge made their
suffrages worthy of regard. They have generally determined that it is
dangerous for a man and woman to suspend their fate upon each other at a
time when opinions are fixed and habits are established, when friendships
have been contracted on both sides, when life has been planned into
method, and the mind has long enjoyed the contemplation of its own
prospects.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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