Having adjusted ourselves into the most comfortable attitudes that we could assume, I began, as Lord Ogleby hath it, "with good emphasis, and good discretion," to read the "Tour up and down the Rio de la Plate." Before I began, the captain had sent for the master, and the honourable Mr B---; so I had a very respectable audience. I had no sooner finished the passage, "After we had paved our way down the river," than with one accord, and evidently by preconcert, every one stretching forth his right hand, as do the witches in Macbeth, roared out, "Stop!" It was too ludicrous. My eyes ran with tears, as I laid down the book, with outrageous laughter. Mr Silva started to his feet, and was leaving the cabin, when he was _ordered_ back by Captain Reud. An appearance of amicability was assumed, and to the old argument they went, baiting the poor author like a bear tied to a stake. Debating is a thirsty affair; the two bottles to each, and two more, quickly disappeared; the wine began to operate, and with the combatants discretion was no longer the better part of valour. Whilst words fell fast and furious, I observed something about eight feet long and one high, on the deck of the cabin, covered with the ensign. It looked much like a decorated seat. Mr Silva would not admit the phrase to be improper, and consequently his associates would not permit the reading to proceed. During most of the time the captain was convulsed with laughter, and whenever he saw the commotion at all lulling, he immediately, by some ill-timed remark, renewed it to its accustomed fury. At length, as the seamen say, they all had got a cloth in the wind--the captain two or three,--and it was approaching the time for beating to quarters. The finale, therefore, as previously arranged, was acted. Captain Reud rose, and steadying himself on his legs, by placing one hand on the back of his chair, and the other on the shoulder of the gentleman that sat next to him, spoke thus: "Gentlemen--I'm no scholar--that is--you comprehend fully--on deck, there!--don't keep that damned trampling--and put me out--where was I?" "Please, sir," said I, "you were saying you were no scholar."