Pigtop's elation was great. So was Josh Daunton's; but all in a quiet, submissive way. Our envy was proportionate. Josh was an excellent barber, and he volunteered to shave the happy diner-out--the offer was accepted. Then came the turn of fate--then commenced the long series of the poor mate's miseries. It was no fault of Daunton's, certainly--but all the razors were like saws. The blood came out over the black visage of Mr Pigtop; but the hair stayed most pertinaciously on. The sufferer swore--how horribly he swore! The time was fast elapsing. After a most tremendous oath from the sufferer, which would have almost split an oak plank, Joshua said, in his lowly and insinuating voice, "Mr Pigtop, pray do--do, do, sir, try the razors yourself. My heart bleeds, sir, more than your face--do try, sir, for I think the captain's servant is now coming down the hatchway to tell you dinner is ready." In despair, the hungry depilator seized the razors: and, being exasperated with hurry, he made a worse job of it than Joshua. Where Josh had made notches, Pigtop made gashes. The ship's barber was then sent for, and he positively refused to go over the bloody surface. But Joshua Daunton was the true friend, the friend in need. With Mr Pigtop's permission, he would go and borrow one of Dr Thompson's razors. The offer was gratefully accepted. In the meantime, dinner was actually announced. It is just about as wise to attempt to keep the hungry tiger from his newly-slaughtered prey, as for a mid to make the captain of a man-of-war wait dinner. Reud did not wait. However, the fresh razor did its work admirably, in the adroit hand of Joshua. The hitherto intractable beard flew off rapidly, and Joshua's tongue moved more glibly even than his razor. Barbers in the act of office have, like the House of Commons, the privilege of speech. They are not amenable afterwards for what they say. In the act they are omnipotent, for who would quarrel with a man who is slipping a razor over your carotid artery? Not, certainly, Mr Pigtop. Thus spoke Joshua, amid the eloquent flourishes of his instrument:-- "Mr Pigtop, I've a great respect for you--a very great respect indeed, sir. If you have not been a good friend to me yet, you will--I know it, sir; you are not like the other flighty young gentlemen. I have a respect for years, sir--a great respect for years, and honour a middle-aged gentleman. Indeed, sir, it must be a great condescension in you to permit yourself to be only a master's--mate of a frigate, seeing that you are quite an elderly gentleman--" "Da--!"