"The gulls were flying overhead and I remember noticing the beauty of the blue shadows which the sea throws up to their white feathers: they were very happy and alive and made me feel rather lonely; my thoughts went to my people--looking forward to seeing me, and at that moment having tea in the garden at ----; the idea of their grief was unbearable--I had to cry a little. Names of books went through my brain;--one specially, called 'Where no Fear is,' seemed to express my feeling at the time! Loneliness, yes, and sorrow on account of the grief of others--but no Fear. It seemed very normal,--very right,--a natural development of some kind about to take place. How can it be otherwise, when it _is_ natural? I rather wished I knew some one on the other side, and wondered if there are friendly strangers there who come to the rescue. I was very near the border-line when a wandering lifeboat quietly came up behind me and two men bent down and lifted me in. It was extraordinary how quickly life came rushing back;--every one in the boat seemed very self-possessed--although there was one man dead and another losing his reason. One woman expressed a hope for a 'cup of tea' shortly--a hope which was soon to be realised for all of us in a Mine Sweeper from Queenstown. I have forgotten her name--but shall always remember the kindness of her crew--specially the Chief Officer, who saved me much danger by giving me dry clothes and hot towels. "All this can be of very little interest to you--I have no skill in putting things on paper;--but, you know. I am glad to have been near the border; to have had the feeling of how very near it is _always_--only there are so many little things always going on to absorb one here. "Others on that day were passing through a Gate which was not open for me--but I do not expect they were afraid when the time came--they too probably felt that whatever they were to find would be beautiful--only a fulfilment of some kind.... I have reason to think that the passing from here is very painless--at least when there is no illness. We seemed to be passing through a stage on the road of Life." [Footnote 34: See Note C at end of preceding chapter.] CHAPTER III DEATH AND DECAY "All, that doth live, lives always!"--EDWIN ARNOLD