Mexican literature -- Translations into English; Mexican prose literature
Through her thoughts passed vague fears of coming misfortunes and
dangers; of a radical change in her existence. Her poor brain, of a
vulgar and unintellectual woman, performed prodigies in analyzing the
unfounded presentiments; what did she fear? On what did she base these
fears? While she attempted to define them they weakened, though they
still persisted. She reviewed her whole life of hard struggle and scanty
rewards; she examined her conduct as an honorable wife and a decent
mother of a family, and neither the one nor the other, justified her
fear. This stranger woman, this stranger who was about to come; would
she rob her of something? Of what? Her children? Surely, no. Of her
husband, perhaps? Her presentiment was founded in this doubt; yes, it
was only of her husband that she could rob her. And her humble idyl of
love, which she had cherished among the ancient things of her memory, as
she cherished in her clothes-press some few artificial flowers,
shriveled and yellowed, from her bridal crown, her idyl revived,
shriveled and yellowed also, but demanding an absolute fidelity in
Julio; not equal to her own; no, Julio’s fidelity had to be different,
but it must be; but, however much Carmen assured herself, with the mute
assurances of her will, that Julio was faithful, she continued to be
possessed by the idea that he would sometime prove unfaithful, just
because of the long period of their marriage, that cruel irony of the
years which respect nothing, neither a loving marriage nor the hearth
which belonged to us in infancy; the marital affection is choked by the
ivy of disgust and the bind-weed of custom; the home disappears covered
by the weeds, which grow and grow until they overtop the very pinnacle
of the façade. Carmen then appreciated some things before not
understood; all the little repugnances and the shrinking apart of two
bodies, which had long lived in contact and no longer have surprises to
exchange, no new sensations to offer, no curves that are not known, no
kisses that are unlike those other kisses, those of sweethearts and the
newly-wed, then novel and celestial, afterward repeated without
enthusiasm as a faint memory of those gone never to return. Believing
that Julio was yet in word and deed her own, she resolved to carry on a
slow reconquest, displaying the charms of a chaste coquetry; her
instincts of a woman, assuring her that this was the infallible mode of
salvation.
But on considering her attractions marred by child-bearing; her features
sharpened by vicissitude; her hands, the innocent pride of her girlhood,
deformed by cooking and washing; she felt two tears burn her eyeballs
and, unable to gain in a contest of graces and attractions, her face
fell upon the table, supported by her arms, in silent grief for her lost
youth and her perished beauty.
* * * * *
At two o’clock in the morning there was a knocking at the gate and then
at her door. It was they, Clothilde and Julio.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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